Something you want to burn off but can never get rid of or at least not completely.

It's funny i think about the first girl i truly ever loved... my first love and it amazes me how the last girl (VIVA)i loved completely erased any feeling i had for my first love. The other girls in between were all window shopping but the first and last were purchases.

I just wish i could find something stronger than the memory of my last love. Its really become this stain in my emotional fabric.

I tend to think about it a lot more often than i should. I really wish we had broken up a little messier...it was nice and polite and sad and just god...it was ended with such regret on both sides or at least it seemed that way....Who kisses and can't let go during a breakup...it was like a melodrama on the WB... i look at the boy then and cringe...what a fuckin sap...grow some balls....don't be that guy....the one that is ok with being walked on...who doesn't fight and grab what he wants and never lets go...

I really need to start the new chapter when it comes to my personal life...i've literally been stuck on this chapter since 2003..i have the journal entries from my first blog to prove it....i wish....there hasn't been anyone, there has been no connections.

Ok well i finished packing for my upcoming training. Should get to bed.