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You know sometimes there are days or nights you can just feel blue. Tonight is one of those. There are also those times you can feel blu, but be with someone you love. What I'm trying to say is there are times you can be happy and sad at the same time.
Happiness is a feeling I share with everyone...sadness is a feeling I keep for myself. To me it is even more personal than love. I have never shared my anguish with anyone other than my parents and one of my girlfriends. It is one of the things you don't necessarily look for in someone you wish to share your life with..think about it...it is not one of those things you put high on your list when you like someone. Pain can take things to such another level...it is rather fascinating that such a negative emotion or feeling can have such a resonance in love.
Every once in a while I do get to feeling sad. For me it is also a reminder of where i came from. It almost feels like something that was passed to me, something a loved one gave to me. I've come to handle it well though and I always spring back...with all things, I know the feeling will pass if I hold on.
That is the important thing I've learned that has kept me healthy and allows me to continue unscathed. I have faired better than those that have fallen victim to listless breeze.
What I find most unbearable about being here is placating to people with such a stunted emotional state and pass off my laughter as camoflauge of how I really feel.
When I was a child I learned what is important to me in life...I found out most of what i wanted in life...yet there was still a great deal of development in my life to go. Yet here I am years later and still I lack that which I have always wanted. I've always felt I learned something few ever learn and sometimes I feel like that knowledge isolates me in a way few would understand.
It is quite frustrating and to be honest I kind of wish fate, life , or just dumb luck would hit me and alleviate this lingering feeling.
I might just be tired. I start allowing my feelings to creep in when i am most tired..
I think I will stop this dreary entry.