My weekend has begun.. it started with me sleeping a lot...which is always nice. I spent last night worrying about my roommate who drank too much, it sounded like he was puking in his bed and he fell off and hit his head on his nightstand. I kept checking on him which he won't even remember... i talked him before about getting wasted and living in his room.

Next time i see him i am going to have to have a talk with him again. I don't want to have to keep checking on him and making sure he is not choking on his own vomit.

I don't have to do this, but my feeling is, if he were to die while i was in the room, well whether or not he's my responsibility ...to me that is too big for me to ignore and i would always feel some semblance of responsibility for people around me.

I stayed up listening to make sure he was still breathing from time to time...which to me sounds weird. I left him on the floor though and didn't try picking him up, i figure he might fall off his bed again.

To me that is something i don't need in my life... I don't want to worry about anyone else, especially for stupid shit like drinking too much.

I've realized what bugs me about being here and in the army... I need more of an environment where i can be an adult in my life and not have to witness this same stage in everyone's life over and over.

I miss having my own apartment and having my own space with a true sense of home... where I can get furniture and dumb things to add to make a sense of home...and i realize more and more i need a car too... and i want to get out there and date again.

A lot of things I long for. I feel like i'm continuing to grow as a person it's just hard when i don't feel my environment is not growing to fit the life i feel i want.