I know this sounds great already. Apparently, if I didn't have enough on my plate already, now they want me to stick me in a new room with a guy who has a drinking problem, coupled with suicidal tendencies.

There might be more to this guys problem but do I really want to delve into this one?

THis guy seems to have a bit of a temper too, so it's not like I can easily get close to this guy and try to help him. Not that is my job, nor am I qualified.

I was very happy where I was. My roommate as it were, is a bit recluse, but he is a good guy. I don't have to worry about him.

This guy's mother from what I hear, killed herself when he was a child. Oh don't get me wrong, if anyone understands how painful it is to lose a mother as a child, I understand.

Oh do I, but I am not like everyone else. I fight the pain and I haven't let it get me. We all deal with pain in different ways.

I just don't want to do this right now. It seems like a prison sentence at times and sometimes I feel like I am counting the days until the days of my military service is over. And yeah, I don't want to deal with someone elses problems right now.

I have had many people in my life with problems and I always get sucked in, used and I often find myself, used up and tossed aside. I don't know if I can take more of it.

I want to stop putting myself in the position where I try to save people. I am in my Reluctant Hero phase of my life right now. I am no Hero, but I don't want to be put in that position. I know myself, eventually I will try to help and soon I will be where I don't belong. I really think the only way people can get better, is by helping themselves out of their problems.

I got chosen because as many people have noticed and have pointed out. I just do the work and don't complain while I do it. People know I will accept it and do it.

Honestly, I really don't want this. At the same time I can't make a big fuss and kick and scream until they find someone else. There is obviously a troubled guy there and I don't want to make him feel worse by making a big deal about not wanting to live with him. I know that wouldn't make him feel any better.

So in the end, I know I have to be the bigger person. I just don't like it.

Things really have been sucking lately. Once again, I'm being accepting of the circumstance and going with it.

My story somehow was found to be decent and is being sent to the post paper along with my photos for publishing. It is not bad but I don't feel completely good about it. I had to walk a tight line when it came to professional ethics. I didn't make up quotes but I had to be creative with indirect quotes and stretch a few meanings. It bugs me to comprimise even a little.

I am such a goodie two shoes sometimes. I could tell a white lie and to be honest it would bug me and be a big deal.

I am working hard and I also feel I am getting more things thrown at me.

Other gripes since I am on a roll. People really have a way to go, when it comes to dealing with differences in one another. This same group of guys I live and work with, are all very young and immature. And also very sheltered when it comes to being close to an Asian person, something which they remind me of constantly. They joke with me a lot and I am just that type of person. People like to joke with me and poke fun. I have a thick skin most times. The asian jokes are starting to tire me. It started with these Charlie chokes. Charlie... as in the enemy. Most soldiers would identify Vietnamese soldiers as Charlie. The jokes started with, watch out or Charlie will get you. Or better check under your chair, Charlie might have set some booby traps under there. Or the ever constant, did you get here through your tunnels. What's is worse, I am not even Vietnamese. I am Japanese and Korean..

It is my fault because at first it was hilarious to me but now it is getting old.

I encouraged it. But I grow tired and I can tell that these guys simply don't have the facility to think of other ways of bonding or communicating. I don't take it so personally but look into their hearts. These guys just don't know any better.

I just wish people could learn better means of trying to communicate. It just bugs and I am getting kind of tired of it. To me, it was funny at first but now they've simply killed the joke.

Now it really is on me.

To be perfectly honest, I feel more discriminated in love. I don't know how many times I have felt I got passed up for a date because I was Asian. Something about me screamed, not the kind of guy you can imagine being with. Or not someone I can think of that way or even sexually.

I was watching this thing on VH1, and the topic came up about how many mainstream Asian actors don't land the girl. For example Jet Li or JAcki Chan. How often do you really see them protrayed in the romantic sense.

My feelings about this is, that most women and society don't look at Asian men as desireable romantic or sexual interests outside their own race.

Why is this?

I seriously feel I've been turned down a few time because of it.

Now Asian women on the other hand, now they have a lot easier of a time crossing over or being seen as desireable. They are considered mysterious or exotic, but not the Asian man.

It really is too bad. I think Asian men have a lot to offer. Mysterious, I can do mysterious. I just might not look as good in a black nightie while doing Mysterious .

Song of the day : Bjork "All is Full of Love"