Well the first game of the season took place. Here it is in short. I played 30 seconds had 0 points, 0 Rebounds, 0 Blocked shots, 0 steals, and 0 turnovers. I didn't even touch the ball. Just a bit of running around, and a tolken appearance. We got routed by 25 points. We were losing so bad that they couldn't even put me in a little longer to play. Here is what bugs, I am one the only 2 players to attend every practice.

There were people who attended 0 practices and played 10 times more than I did.

I am not that bad. The way my team was playing they were playing as bad as I had those earlier practices. I was getting better. I actually got my confidence back at the last practice cause i was shacking off my nervousness of from the first few practices.

A part of me wants to quit the team. The other part wants to play awesome and throw it back in my teams face.

The coach only saw the first 2 practices and was basing not of me, on that. We sucked because he wanted to run the team a certain way and truth is, we had no game plan. On top of it we weren't hitting shots. It didn't help that half the team just decided to show up for the game and the people playing were like strangers.

I apologize for this tangent. The reason i get nervous at times is because it matters a lot to me. I get upset for the same reason. THe other part that bugs is the times i am not nervous, people have to put that stigma that they think i am nervous when that is not the case. I sometimes feel like people are putting that stigma on me at times when it is not how i feel. Have you ever been around people and maybe gotten upset once, and then everytime people are around you, they go, it's not worth being upset. In truth, upset might be the farthest emotion you feel, but the fact that people keep treating you like you are always an upset person just bugs. They assume that is how you feel and constantly project onto you that you are a nervous or angry person. I get nervous once and a while and it affects me but i am not always like that. It is hard for me when I am not nervous but I feel like I have to also fight peoples projections of how they think i am or feel.

I feel better getting this rant off my chest. I have wanted to say this for a while.

I wanted to play so bad as the game went on because I really wasn't nervous. I was a little off balance because I had not touched a ball all game, even before the game. I really wanted to throw it back into my own teams face. It sucks when you feel like you're playing against your own team and they are your opponents and not your teammates.

Well enough on that.

Everything else aside I guess I am ok.