I look at myself right now and realize I am not the same person I used to be, but many of the qualities that make up here are still there. But there is something different about me.

Perhaps it's the camoflauged BDU army uniform I'm wearing right now.

It's sometimes a hard one to swallow (no pun intended), that I'm in the military. It's no longer just a process there but I'm really here. I made it all the way through basic to this place and point.

My AIT (Advanced Individual Training) for those of you who aren't familiar with Military Acronyms is over at Fort Meade. It's an interesting place. I have found so many interesting people and developed interesting relationships with the people here. I guess the thing that's on my mind is the fact that I am still in the process of intergrating who I was and who I am, if that makes any sense.

It's weird but I don't feel comfortable writing in my diary. I think it's because I'm using Government computers with Government Filters pumping through them. It's an odd sense of paranoia that pumps through me that the government is watching what I write.

It's funny because I was brought here to learn how to write for the government. I am not saying the government is bad, but I do realize my rights that I used to have no longer exist...well not for another 5 years.

It's hard because my life has been so drastically altered and so much revolves around the military, so it's hard not to write about it. At the same time the thought does occur in my mind that perhaps I need to be careful what I write. Granted nothing I am doing is top secret, I do realize that I do need to excercise greater discretion. I don't want to inadvertantly release information I shouldn't.

Like I was saying writing in here hasn't been easy because right now so much of my life and the things I am experience revolves around the military, yet I don't feel comfortable talking about it. It's all pretty dumb when all is said and done, I guess.

On another note, I have a crush on this female soldier here. I think she's got the most amazing eyes and face. I would love to just go for it.

But there is this part of me that not only worries about being rejected and looking stupid, but knowing me I'll take this too seriously so I'll definetly get attached. I know this is only a temporary stay here and in months we'll both be in different parts of the country or even the world. I guess I don't want to put myself through that. At the same time i need to focus on school and what I'm doing.

Well I know I take things too seriously. I have seen it be a good trait here at the same time, I have actually seen it do great damage to my self confidence.