I'll be gone in a month. It seems like it's been such a long time coming but all of a sudden it's upon me and perhaps now I do wish I had more time. More time to write, more time to read comics, more time to finish things up here. Don't get me wrong I don't regret my decision, I think change in general can illicit this type of feeling. It's what I want.

I just know the crossroad is before me. Will I return to diaryland once I can, or will I have changed and decided this is no longer for me...who knows. I could die today, I could die months from now, or 50 years from now. Who knows where i'll be. I guess the hardest things for me is that I never imagined any of these choices. I could never see myself down the road. I can never really imagine what my life could be. It's almost as if I never imagined that I'd still exist at this current point in my life.

This might sound weird, I have always felt at a certain point a few years ago that I wasn't supposed to still be alive that my being here wasn't supposed to be, but it is. Sounds like some weird rantings from a madman in a movie...screaming, " I am not supposed to be here, this is not supposed to be!"

I can't explain it but to some degree that is why I have difficulties making choices for my own future. I almost feel as if the choice to begin with is not supposed to be given.

Maybe that is what life is like for everyone to some degree. Perhaps I just need to learn how to plans for my life. I am though, or I feel I am. I guess I've watched one too many science fiction movies and to some degree want to see my life that way.