Truth is I honestly feel somewhat different when I write this diary. Even when I am down and write in here now, it's never as bad or I'm never as depressed as I used to be.

I am not sure it shows, but yeah I still get down once in a while, heck it's only human I think. But I really don't feel life is not worth living anymore and I don't feel any great pains that bring me down.

Of course it might be that I am not really living now, but whatever the reasons I think I have actually found somewhat of a middle when it comes to being happy.

I guess what i am trying to say is that somewhere deep inside, I am sort of happy that I seem to have found a better understanding and state to be in. I can never say this won't change but for now, I am happy with where I've gone emotionally. Hopefully this diary can reflect that.

I will definetly keep a hand written diary when I go away to basic training. hopefully I can bring one, or else I will be left with writing on pieces of toilet paper.