I have fallen into a slow and unnoticable depression. I haven't thought about death but I have been feeling a desire to be erased from time. I don't want to have ever existed. I want to be nothing, since that is how I feel. Somehow in my life I have created this almost nonexistant lifestyle where the only people that see me are people at work.

Here is the things I am laughing but deep down lately I have noticed that I laugh and act silly out of habit and that really deep down I don't feel much or else I am not as happy as I am projecting. I am functioning and going through life but no one would really know of how I really feel. I don't know what is wrong with me or what is causing all these feelings. Well I have ideas about what is causing these feelings but i couldn't say for sure. In truth I feel that I am having a harder time fooling myself that my life will take some form of what I wish it to be. At the same time I have no meaningful one on one relationships with anyone and somehow it is affecting me a lot more than I would have ever imagined it.

I have even noticed that I have withdrawn from being around people because I can't take things anymore. It's really all so stupid but I have allowed my mind to emotionally cripple me. I am frustrated and I wish I never was.