In life nowadays, there is so much information out there. And perhaps in the end, it is just as worthless as the next piece. I have been taking in so much. Who knows how many views and ideas have been shaped from everything I've taken in.

Life sometimes feels so exciting because there is so much that seems to be taking place, even if it is in bad taste, or standards are seemingly lowered. I have been reading and watching so much of the news, and part of the reason is because of the packaging. I have been as suspect as the next person to the pretty and poppy packaging. And sometimes when i myself take a step back, I actually feel dissapointed in myself. I am dissapointed that I am as easily captured and swayed as the next man, to over glorifying things that really don't matter, yet putting so much importance on it by absorbing so much of it, and even feeling proud that I presumbly know so much. When in truth what do I know.

You know the thing I wonder about Arnold Schwarzennager, and George W., I wonder if they ever look at themselves. Not in the media facade they cast, but do they look in the mirrors and do they feel anything? I am not casting any judgement in that statement, I just wonder what they see in themselves and I wonder if it's true.

Often when I look in the mirror, I see my faults, and sometimes I see things that I think are good about me, or at least what I see as good. I always wonder though am I seeing a true picture of myself?

I am not worried about others view of me, but I wonder how distorted is my own personal views. Each of our perceptions are our own, and yet don't you ever wonder how accurate our own judgements are? I think it is amazing sometimes that we can function properly when we can not properly guage ourselves and our own behavior. No one has the answers and no ones view is right, yet someone has to be right. Or do they? I can't answer that, but I feel frustrated sometimes. Tonight I am feeling somewhat frustrated and down.

Part of it might be because It's late and I just absorbed more of life. Part of it might be because I have some emotional problems, part of it might be that I think about things way too much, because my mind neccesitates I create something out of nothing. It's enough to drive someone insane, but I feel incredibly sane and that is the problem.

I know this whole entry might not make any sense to any of you, you might read this and think, who's the crazy man writing the journal and what have you done with Grant.

Sometimes from looking at life and how much one thing is also really the other. The way the ying is the yang, how you can't have this without that. I am sometimes inclined to feel that if there was a God, he is lying and telling the truth at the same time and he is Good and Evil, why because there are no difference but there are no similarities. If none of this makes sense, than that is what life is, something that makes no sense. Sometimes I am left to wonder, are our supposed greatest minds, really just the opposite. Perhaps in the end they hold no more grain of salt than a grain of salt

And all our feelings and thoughts mean nothing and something because they are neither right or wrong, or relevant or irrelevant. Perhaps things aren't even as two dimensional as I have put it in my diary, perhaps its threeways or 4 or 5.

This is, I guess... my entry to say that I have absorbed nothing, and have no clear interpretation or else the entry for you to wonder, why have I been reading the rants of an insane lunatic. However I simply have my colored spin which I can claim holds...???