And nothing feels better than singing in the car.
I find myself realizing that overall I am so much happier with life than I had been. I don't know if it's apathy, but I feel more comfortable with the things in life that I can't change. Don't get me wrong, I want things to be better. I would love to be with someone, but I am really happy once again, I'm happy being on my own again. I was heading there before that whole Viva episode, and I finally feel I have come back to where I was before her.
I read some of my earlier entries and I really feel there has been quite a bit of change. The lonely drives don't bring me down, I actually find happyiness in them. I think I feel better because I know it doesn't bother me and I know I am alright and happy in this moment. I'm sure there will be nights I miss having people around or remember moments of times past. Overall though I feel I can be happy most of the times.
I think I am going to miss my apartment once I leave for the army. Actually all this waiting has me gaining more anxiety with each month that goes by. I think it's been 2 months since I joined. I don't leave till March. It's a long way more. I guess I don't like stewing in my decision to do it. It seems like the more time I have to wait, just has me questioning myself more. I think if I ever get married, I don't want the engagement to be long and drawn out.
Time sometimes is food for neurosis.
Since I started to listen to Whitney, I sort am going into my old CD collection. I have a hundred CD's of music I loved. I am revisiting old tunes regardless of the memory it holds of certain times in my life. Each old song has been given new life with me. It makes me wonder why I stopped listening.
It makes me realize how well some artists stand up to the music I love now.
I'm listening to Leah Andreone's first album " Veiled" and I am really into it again. I really love music, all kinds. This girl I liked a long time ago in highschool liked Leah Andreone, and I started to listen to her so we'd have something in common, but actually I found it wasn't hard to like her and listening to it now without that baggage, I find I love this CD a lot.
The thought about basic training that has me kind of bummed is that I have to leave it all behind for 9 weeks. I realize the artist in me is going to be starved of my influences, it makes me bummed. I actually started to do some artwork with my outdoor pictures on photoshop. I created this dark cloud spirit using the elements in my pictures. It sort of formed randomly. I look at my art and realize they could be a lot better if I knew what I was going to draw to start with. I often develop things on the fly. I guess you can say I jump off and see where I am falling towards and go from there.
I think If I knew where the target was going to be from the start, my art would be better and more clear and less abstract. I sort of write like that too. I think it really helps to know the ending and the goal when writing the story. I write, the way I live...development on the fly, never knowing the goal from the get go.
I don't know I just wanted to share with my diary that I am feeling happy.... Now for that bubble bath in my mini tub... =)