Last week was the beginning of school. You know this is the first time in my life I have not gone to school. I don't mean, just missing one day, but rather not enrolled. I have always been in school even if only part time since I was a kid. I have been in College since 1997, God that sounds like such a long time. Actually I am kind of sad about it.

I didn't really realize how much of a blanket school had become for me, even if I was sick to death of it. It's almost hard to imagine time without it. And it seems like forever till I'll be shipping out.

I noticed I haven't talked about Viva, in a long time. I guess that's good but I guess I sort of broke that cycle now. She has been out sick for a little while and I can't help but get the feeling that I'm being avoided. I waited with her until her ride came. She finally told me what her Doctor told her. Apparently she has an irregular heart beat and that is most likely the cause of her almost constant chest pains. She looked and sounded awful and I knew she rushed back to work too soon. But as usual there was nothing I could do to convince her of going home and resting.

I knew it'd be something really serious. I didn't tell her I told her so or anything like that. I did tell her that the only thing I ever want from her for Christmas is to be cautious with herself and to do the best she can to take care of herself andn not overdoo thing. Because I wanted my present to be that she'd do her best to be ok. That is true though, all I want from her at this point is to be better and make sure she does all she can to remain as healthy as she can possibly be. It is often difficult to have conversations with her, there is always some reference to what we had and there is always that knowledge between both of us that we do have this bond of some kind.

I however am choosing to do what I can to move on and forward. Leaving the island for a few years is a big step, however not the reason I'm leaving. I am leaving to better myself and my life. I simply choose to follow a path since nothing really is holding me here. I wasn't going to waste away on wishful thinking and hope that love would find me once again.

You'd think I was lonely and I often wonder if I am or should be. I don't get so depressed as I had been when I first moved out, though truth be told, my social life really is close to non existant. I really don't spend much time with anyone these days. I spend many night alone at home playing games, or watching movies, making CD's. reading comics or surfing the web, or the occasional trips to the beach. Perhaps it helps that I have a job that is so socially active, otherwise I'd never really speak with anyone.