I realize more and more now lately that I want things to better between my father and I. It often surprises me sometimes how much love I have for that man, that is my father.

When I tell people I have been thinking about joining either the army or air force, all I hear is how wrong they think it is for me. Appart of me thinks though that a lot people don't know me and don't know what I am capable of. I really need to do something to pull myself out of my current situation. It just isn't working and I really find myself wasting away any ability I have and I really honestly see a great deal of my confidence and self image deteriorating. I am not as great as I could be and I know it. I used to believe I could do anything, I don't believe that anymore but lately I realized how much I lost, and I just realize I am going to have to do a lot to get that all back.

I am going to make things work and I am going to turn things around, even if this isn't the right choice.