It really is over not only in my mind but in my heart. I essentially told her goodbye. Yes it's dramatic and all.

I saw her last night. After my talk with my father I actually felt a little better. He made me realize I can't change what she's looking for, it's already set and no matter how well things are, some people cling to their ideas even if they have something that makes them happy.

I looked into myself and I realize I just can't bear to be her friend. Really I think I just had to break this one promise, because it would really be the most painful reminder to me. Well after a week she told me it's official, she's officially seeing Josh. She didn't want to even name us and in a week yet she knows off the bat she wants him. She's sure she wants to be with him. I wasn't expecting her to say that, and it really just threw a wrench in my just wanting to see her and catch up. It literally threw out all that I had planned to say. It was the final missle necessary to finish my heart off.

There was no goodbye kiss at the end. I did cry.... again. She hugged me and I told her to have a happy life.

I left. I don't plan on cruising or hanging with her. I did tell her that a part of me will always love her and I told her the month we've spent together was the happiest month I've ever spent. I hope that she and I have a happier month than that.

I don't know. There is nothing more to say I guess. Goodbye is all I can say.