I guess I am really sad and upset. I think I was happier before as I wrote because even though I felt lonely I knew it was because there was no one there. Now that I am seeing someone it hurts even more not being seen. Most might tell me to just move on and leave this girl. I would tell someone else that if they told me my own story.

I talked a bit today with her and she doesn't seem to see what she is doing to me. In fact at first glance when she seemed to notice something was bothering me, she told me she wanted to hang out. And later as it seemed I was more alright to her it turned out she already had made plans.

She's going cosmic bowling with this guy a coworker of mine's cousin who she was trying to fix Viva up with even though she knew something was going on between us.

Here's the deal. I told Viva I love her , cause I do. She can't tell or feel that back because she's not ready to be in a relationship. She told told me I made her happy and she liked being with me, but she wanted a chance to see what else was out there. I guess each time I get ditched I feel that sentence growing stronger. It hurts that I can't be enough, that I am never enough.

I guess I get bothered by a whole bunch of things like the fact that we were practically living together for 3 weeks. And during that time I've told her I love her and treated her as such. In that time she has not introduced me to her friends that we ran into. THree times she's gone out with friends and she never asked if I wanted to come out with her and meet her friends. I can't help but feel like this dirty secret in her life. I have never met her friends. I have introduced her to 2 of my acqaintances. I took her home to meet my family. I love bowling, it would have been nice to have been asked out.