I don't know anymore, why is this always so difficult for me. Why can't I meet someone who actually likes me. I've done everything possible to show and tell her how much I love her.

I am not sure what would bother me more her just breaking it off because she's not ready or her choosing on of the other guys in her life.

She won't let me go, because deep down she has feelings for me. I just don't know if she's going to throw us away because she appears to have this fear of pleasure and being happy. I should have noticed this earlier but she really has a hard time being happy. When we make love I give her all my atterntion, and as I get her going she always stops me when the pleasure intensifies. Who tells you to stop? She never has had an orgasim. I want to give her one but i can't if she stops me as soon as she starts getting hot.

So look at us. We obviously make one another happy and the only walls are the ones she's creating. She told me herself that she is so happy when she is with me but doesn't want to get serious or even inch there. She is pushing me away. I don't know if I can break her of that. I love her and she loves me, I'd stake my life on it.

I think I need to be patient but my feelings are getting grounded into the ground. She kissed the other guy, the one my coworker tried to set her up with. I am upset and hurt. It's like life reminding me that once again I am missing that thing that makes a girl want to really be with a guy, me. Why do all the girls I have ever been with tell me I am the greatest guy they ever met, they tell me I am there best friends and how much they love me. But why don't they deep down want to be with me. I always start to sense this feeling of guilt that no matter how great we are, I see it in their eyes that they don't want me, not like that. I am not what they envisioned. If this relationship doesn't work out I really don't think I want to look for anyone. I know if I died though perhaps she might really realize what she passed up. Not going to kill myself, but sometimes I wish I could fake my death and make the people in my life really realize what is important in my life. At this point I rather her just dump me if that is what she really wants. I do want her to be happy. If I'm not the one than just let me go. I can go back to my hermit existance.