I have been having a good time with Viva. I think the only thing that bothers me is this lingering feeling that she doesn't really want to be with me in a more permanent sense. I really am starting to worry that overall it's the attention that I give her that is what she's dependant on.

I know if I were to withhold that I'd probably get a big reaction out of her.

It's been a rough week and I seem so consumed with just normal every day things that I haven't had time to even write in this. I worked 53 hours last week and 49 this week. Plus I spend a great amount of time with Viva on the free time that I have. Yestereday I only worked in the morning and at night. So Viva and I went to the beach in the middle.

It was a beautiful day yesterday. I realized that going to the beach was a bad thing because of Viva's lupus. I had a hard time enjoying myself when I would realize this very fun moment could be killing her or putting a dire strain on her kidneys. I guess what I don't like is that she is so reckless with her own health and even acknowledges it. I told her that she has to think of other people in her life. When she risks her own health it affects everyone. I don't seem to be getting through. She's really stubborn in that sense.

Well one last thing to mention. I got a very nice guestbook signing by Ashley whose diaryland name is:

kgps-arks. I tried to write her a response to her nice message. Unfortunetly the email she left me had my email returned and she has no profile or guestbook so I can't respond to her that way either. So figured if she does manage to read this that she might want to leave me a place I can respond: either another email address or a IM name.

Well that is about all I have to say for tonight.