Viva at the same time seems to call me even in the hours I need some space to think. I am conflicted, I want this new life and yet I can't totally convert my life into someone else. I have so many areas I excell because I am alone.
Actually getting some time alone I realize I really want a few moments to myself. She needs so much and I want to give so much but it seems what I started giving is being sucked out of me faster than I can give it. I love her so it's not like I can go oh, just move on. I need for her to be stronger and a little more selfish with her time. I need her to not need me so much. I can sense she is becoming dependant of all the attention I've given her. I don't want someone addicted to me.
I want her to want me, not to need me.
I am at a road that I don't want to derail this thing but I need to make some space for the old me. I need time alone to think and reflect.
I guess I realize I need more balance. It's no one's fault, the relationship itself got off to a sprint and I realize I just need to go back to a brisk walk.
I want to be able to sleep in without having to worry that someone is up and wants to go around and about. I want to be able to write in this diary or cook at home again. I want to read some of my comic books. I haven't had a single story ideal since we've been together. She isn't sapping me of creativity but she takes up so much time and attention I have none of those things to devote to my art. I'm neglecting parts of myself for this relationship.
I don't mean to be bitching about a great girl and a relationship I hope holds more, but I just needed to vent some of the things I have been feeling.