Viva has been keeping me really busy. She slept over tonight. It was really nice. She told me that the more time she spends with me, the more she realizes she wants to be with me. I have been so tired because I have spent most of the two nights making out, holding, and misc. things.

Honestly our relationship has sort of operated like a tantra session. We get really heavy but for me there is no release. I haven't had an orgasm for 2 nights, which is a lot. I haven't really done the whole masturbating thing. It is kind of an ego boost to know that she is so responsive to the things I try and that she seems to enjoy it. This is probably pure ego but I think that I have good technique when it comes to love making. I do enjoy the holding and "The FOREPLAY". We haven't actually had sex because, I think she feels really bad, she said she doesn't want to do anything to hurt me or to not think of me.

I'll go on a limb to say I love her and I think she feels the same way. But her current ex who she's taking a break from is a violent guy. He actually stalked a coworker of mine who he thought was hitting on Viva. He threatened to beat him up. Viva is worried not only for me but herself as well. I told her I knew what I was getting into and I wanted her to do what was best for her. I want to be with her and I'd wait. If she needed to keep our relationship quiet while she permanently separetes from him then I'd understand.

There are things bothering me. I really seem to be hitting all the good points and sometimes I think I am really good at saying the right things. I worry I'm not as good as my advice and the words I say. I worry about the life changes that might happen. I know myself and I'm very good at giving, and sometimes I wonder because,not to many people do it, does that make me more attractive because I seem like a one way conduit? I got her a flower pendant. Her flower pendant had broken earlier that day and she had a moment where she mentioned it. So It was something small but I went on my break and bought her a new one. Later that night I gave it to her and she almost cried she was so happy. She told me once that her boyfriend doesn't pay attention to the little things. Sometimes she told me she just wanted to know he cared. Me,I know how much the little things mean. I take care of business. I saw an opportunity and I took it and just put a little effort. Sometimes I wonder if I am deserving of her affections for an act that might be as simply as doing your homework and putting the effort forth.

I guess I worry that I know I am really good at playing the role of a boyfriend and doing all the right things. Maybe I'm thinking to much. I want to be so good and for my intentions to be the right ones. I don't trust myself because I know how crafty I can be. I like her a lot and I want all my actions to be for the right reasons.

I do love being around her. My only wish is that we could get past this ex scary boyfriend and just have a normal 1 on 1 relationship without all that. I will be patient and honestly I think people don't realize how far one person's patience and understanding can really go. P>