While all the guys were ordering beers, and what not, I ordered a Pina Coladas and a Guava Daquiri. I don't drink beer and I am a spawn from a mother who had owned a bar/strip club. I really don't know too much about beer and am far from a drinking afficianado. I have tried beer and it simply tastes bad. I will simply not drink beer cause it's something many people use as a social armor. I listen to people and hear them say things like, " I like to drink to get drunk." Ok maybe just for the experience it's worth a try but why do this continuously?

And why should I try to force myself to like something that just doesn't grab me. People tell me that they never liked beer at first either, but they forced themselves to drink a couple of this and that, and afterwards it didn't seem so bad. To me it sounds like conditioning oneself to like something. To what? Fit in? I never want to fit in cause I can drink a cold one with the best of 'em. I am not a complete prude cause I do like the fru fru drinks like Daquiri's and Colodas. I only drink what I enjoy, and a plus is that a little alcohol does take some edge off, and can relax a person. I don't need more than that, so I don't push it, why should I?

I don't want to ever be my mother or grandmother in that sense. In the bar we were discussing how drinking and such can be a learned behavior in childhood. Well as a child I must have missed that memo. I saw how fucked up my mom got with the drugs and boos and I decided that looked really crappy and I didn't think she looked happy, and I am all about finding happiness.

To be honest I do feel kind of stupid sometimes when I like things that guys aren't supposed to like. We even got into a discussion about how Volkswagen sort of has a feminine image. I conjectured that along with it smooth and elegant designs, the names of the cars play a role. Names like Cabriola (sp?), or Jetta end with a which in some language "a" is used to represent a female speaking. Plus most of the names are really non threating. I really like Volkswagen cars except the new bug.

I often wonder what kind of guy am I? I often look at my relationships and when I am honest that I have some girly tastes it tends to put me from prospective date to another one of the girl friends. I do fear nowadays whether or not I should be so open so quickly about these things. Granted I am not a complete fem, I just have two sides. I can choose to show you either sides really. I am pretty sensitive but I realize that I still have male habits. I am happy being a man, I'm just a little different. I often wonder if I am the product of the times. I just might be a metrosexual so to speak.

Perhaps the new man and women sort of just blend into more androgny where it is difficult to tell where feminine starts and masculine ends. That said I am not into women being men nor men being women. Some people can be... I just know I want a good balance, but in the end I want to know I am a man and that she is a woman. I just want us to understand each other better by taking a piece of one another.

I am more open minded than most of the people who have met me would ever know. I totally support sexual exploration. It's hard only because there are a whole guantlet of human emotions to manuever through. No situation is really mapped out clearly.

I often joke with myself that I am omnisexual, I draw the line with having sex with myself, what can be more incestuous than doing it with yourself. Hehe, I am kidding with the last part.

I was thinking what is the next great arena of taboo. Sex with the same sex has been done, and S&M is taboo but is more of an uncomfortable joke. Sex with animals seems to be of a select taste. When I was doing research for my Revenge of the Bond Girls: Bondage is Forever story I really didn't really realize what extremes existed. Everything from Subincision to Scat play and everyone's favorite Golden Showers.

The only thing I can figure is that the thing with all these fetishes has to do with power and playing games with rules. I was wondering though, how much of this is spectacle and a cry for attention and a want of shock value.

I am open minded but I really tried thinking about it, and crapping or pissing doesn't illicit any erotic feelings. But that's just me. Subincision is by far the most extreme of sexual expression. For those not in the know, it is an extreme altering of one's body or in some cases massive mutilation to say one's genitals. A group of people I had over once sort of stumbled onto the site that featured this and it simply left us in shock.

Ok back to the subject, so what kind of man am I? I am me, and that is all I can be. I am not always a bonehead, I really am listening and watching. I often think, I love like a girl, which is something I am proud of. I notice when the girl I love smiles. I am right there smiling with her, and I notice when the woman I love is trying to support me by being happy when she isn't, I do see, wherever she is. For any girls who think there are no men that see these thing, I do see this, and I am sure I am not the only one. So don't give up on men completely. The definition of masculine is changing in some ways and in different places as is feminity.