I had a bunch of shop lifting suspects to look out for in the store. I had to follow them which I hate doing. One of them was a prostitute who is in the back. It is likely she was in our bathroom sniffing some cocaine. She was sniffing heavily once she came out. I don't know who let her in. Seeing things like that really makes me sad.

I have been an emotional wreck when it comes to watching TV. I watch shows and no matter what the show is, if it even touches matters that mean a lot to me right now, I will start balling. Apparently today my body really needed to cry because I was crying a lot today. I am defintely in touch with my sensitive side.

I am a man who can cry.

I have been having a lot of precognition moments or just really lucky coincidences. I turned on the TV three times this week, and whenever I turned it on and it was on MTV or VH1, whatever song I was thinking of the moment before was playing. I have also been thinking of things people have been mentioning before I hear about them. Like I was crying a lot because the show I was watching was dealing with death. Today, Viva's close friend died and she was so sad. Before she even told me about this though, all day I was thinking about my father, and this is morbid but I was thinking of if he were to have died today; I began thinking of what I would say at his funeral. I spent a long time today talking to myself in my mind about loss and death.

When Viva came in to work she was crying eventually she revealed to me that her close friend had died today. It was just weird that that had been such a heavy topic in my head, and I spent a great amount of the day thinking about it and what I'd say to comfort others I loved. Here I was presented with comforting a friend who was dealing with death.

If that isn't errie, I don't know what is. I have had this ability to be very lucky when it comes to these things. I wonder sometimes if this is less luck and more of a subconcious observational skill I possess. I knew that my mother was dead, the day she died, without anyone showing me or me seeing anything. I was six and as I stood locked out of my home I knew she was dead. I have this uncanny knowledge sometimes. Viva really needed someone to comfort her today and I was there and oddly enough I had somehow been prepared to talk to someone about death because I was thinking about it and loss all day. I even cried about it.

This wasn't even connected to the past battles with myself regarding life. It was more focused on others and the feeling when one looses the ones we love.

I don't know, what to make of my ability. I do fear that the worst of my prophecy will come true and something is going to happen to my father. I do pray I am wrong and that the precognition has been fulfilled with the death of Viva's friend. I hope that my thoughts of my fathers death was only a vehicle for me to think of loss and not an actual prediction. Anyone knows he will die, but I hope it isn't anytime soon, is what I mean.

I never know what to think of this because it isn't like I have a steady ability to predict things or see things, it just sort of happens of it's own valition. I can't predict the cards you are holding up, it's not like that. I do believe in the power of the human mind to see things that our concious minds can not see. I also keep open to the possibility of a greater power at work. Who's to say really. Or it could just be dumb luck.

On a side note, I recently watched the movie "Secretary" with James Spader. I simply loved the whole spin of the premise. A man's own shamefully percieveed sexual perversion empowers woman, making said woman, into a blossoming of empowerment, through said sexual perversion of spanking. By therefore creating a woman who will accept and love him for who he is therefore reempowering, said male character. It's a thing of all romantic movies. Now...if only I could turn my own sexual perversions into a soulmate magnet, I'd be set for life. Movies nowadays, there simply delicious. If this was field of dreams the voice in the field might now say to you: "If you spank her, she will be empowered and love you for who you are!" A classic!