While I was walking to work, which I was late for I might add, I started to think about the loss of energy, or at least the signs of it. I had an emotional and physical power loss in my life these past weeks which I feel I am slowly recovering from. It's weird how all these signs just randomly pop up in my life.
God I swear my car is slowly becoming this money and stress well.
Work was very stressful today. I sometimes think I can't handle people as well as I think I can. I am not sure whether or not it's the people themselves or me.
It is so fucking hot right now. I was so tired when I got home. I took a quick shower and crashed for a couple of hours.
There is a lot of work related drama at my library job lately. A bunch of the students who have been there for a while want to do this big letter to our supervisors about how unhappy they are and about their unsatisfaction with the decline in the workplace. It is all our rights to voice our opinions but sometimes it's better to let it go. I have the second longest tenure of student workers there but I find I just don't care. I might have been right there with them in the past, but I really don't care anymore. I learned that anything our bosses crammed down our throats were empty threats and by leaving things alone and letting it go away things would always solve themselvse. THey want to do this petition but I just don't want the drama. I am thinking of quiting there.
I think I need to have sex. I need to make love on some level, I think... Funny, I know what I need and I guess I could just go out and have some meaningless encounter with someone if I really wanted it bad enough. I want to have sex with someone I like, not necessarily have it be "the one", but something that didn't feel so impersonal.
Question is where do you find this? I feel I have an interesting take on turn ons.
I take back on the statement that I need to have sex, I really need to be able to physically express loving something other than myself. I don't need to have intercourse perse but I need to kiss and to feel and all that other good stuff. I guess that is why I need to do this with someone I have true feeling for.
Well we all need a lot in life but can't always get it.
There was this special on Fox called The Pulse. It's one of those TV news mags. There was this huge story about this woman who was getting all this plastic surgery done to herself. Part of it was a fear that she could one day lose her husband. What ever happened to Till Death Do Us part. Her Husband would tease her she said about her imperfections. What is funny is when I saw her, I thought she was really pretty. She had all this work done and afterwards she was said to have supposedly have perfect cheekbones and nose. And she also had better boobs. In the end I would totally take the before than the after. She had a cute face, it was her, and I though that was pretty. Her face afterwards seemed so false and unattractive. Her boobs, well they were bigger but so what, it didn't enhance her appearance. It was a take or leave it thing in her situation I thought. What ever happened to loving peoples inperfection. To me nothing feels better in knowing that you don't see a persons imperfection as that, an imperfection. Loving someone so much that you see their imperfections as them, seeing them as beautiful because it is them. What happened to that? It oddly makes me upset when I feel people are simply mascarading as if they are in love or that they love their partner so much. Perhaps to attain marriage we should be put through a grinding test. Perhaps the whole act comes to easy. Wouldn't it be more special if not everyone could attain the level of marriage.
The plastic surgeon was interesting because he equaled his profession as a merging of art and science, which on some level is true. It's just something interesting to think about.
I don't hold the idea of plastic surgery as something bad but I really think what drives these people to this isn't always for the best for the person. People are free to do what they want with their bodies but I have a hard time swallowing these peoples distorted self image.
Apart of me during my recent struggles has been thinking that I wish the world was a better place. But what would I do in a better world? Would I be any happier?
Well I have made it to 200. We'll see how many more entries I have in me, we'll see how many days I have in me. I can only live one day at a time. We'll See...