I am not sure why but I haven't felt very inspired lately. About the only thing I feel anything for lately...is Viva. My writing feels dead. My drive to go to school feels dead. I guess deep down I feel a little dead lately. Viva gives me a sense of happiness and life. I don't want to get into anything just so it cures me of being dead. I know I have to find my own way out of it.

I find I act really stupid around her, only because I can't really be affectionate with her. So what am I left with? I'm left with my antics, of messing up her hair and sticking things on her back. I do it in an affectionate way but still I know I'm being a pest, but I really like her. It's kind of obvious too, but what can I do. I have some messed up moral code that I'm following and since she already has a boyfriend there isn't anything I can do.

Since I can't let on that I like her, I'm left being that 5 year old that likes a girl, and shows it by being 5. It's really sad.

I guess the funny thing about it all is that I'm pretty aware of it.

I want to write more but there really isn't much going on in my life. Perhaps I have stayed away from all my friends long enough. Perhaps it's time to reconnect.

My self impossed exile seems to have run it's course.