I had my English Fiction Class-Workshops type class. My last story Big Member Jesus got more and less than Stellar reviews. I am one to admit that it lacked any strong plot. However it was a character driven piece that was meant to be fun and amusing. Hell I had so much fun just writing it. As I do with most things I write, I write just to make myself laugh which is what writing is about. I hate when people critique others works , it is obvius their dislikes are of a personal nature. Some people were offended by what someone else wrote and I totally supported the other writer even if it wasn't my own point of view. People got down on it because it wasn't socially correct, but who's to judge. A person can be a Neo nazi and say what he wants. If I don't want to hear it I'll leave. I think the only time to react is when that Neo Nazi is threatening your life. Perhaps that is too passive and most would say if you wait that long then you'll likely be dead.
Ok I will get off my soap box cause this is supposed to be a fun update. Let's see V-day was spent at work. Oddly enough Lena that girl I was going to ask out has the identical schedule as me for a couple of weeks which is really rare for anyone to have such similar schedules. I was wondering if that was a sign. She keeps bringing up how fat she is, she has the most distorted body image I have ever seen. She has a frame like Uma Thurman before child. She is tall and skinny. That isn't the point. She's not super tone like Chyna or whatever but that doesn't make her fat, and if so, so what. She seems like a nice girl though and I have fun talking to her. I hate to say this but I am tired of being around girls when only their weight is such an issue. I am average weight and I am not as skinny as I used to be but I honestly have accepted that how I look is how I look. I have accepted that I am not going to be any taller and that I am going to have to accept rejection due to not being tall enough. That is just the hand I was dealt. I wouldn't want to be with anyone that didn't have any shred of confidence and pride anyways. I just think if people put as much time worrying that their not skinny enough to worrying if they are a nice and good enough person, this world we be so different. I worry about those things. I worry that I think to much and I put to much pressure, or if I am paying too little or too much attention. I don't worry how I look in a thong. I don't think anyone looks good in a thong by the way. It just looks so uncomfortable. In the end I worry more about if I don't have a warm and fuzzy feeling when I'm with someone. I guess what I am saying about this girl is she is fun but she worries far to much over things I don't think are important. I often find myself enjoying the conversation up until she mentions how this much % is body fat and how fat she is. I could imagine how some of my friends that weigh more would be laughing at her. I won't say it doesn't matter because to many people it does but in the sense of myself caring for these people, I guess I take offense because in the end the amount I care for these people really doesn't equate their weight. I really try just to see people and judge them on the time we spend together. THerefore when I give them a compliment and tell them they look good or even beautiful, it's really from the heart and them saying otherwise is just a dismissal of your feelings of them.
Humans are a foolish lot, I among them should know. I was watching Margret Cho, "The Notorious CHO" which I got on DVD and I thought her attitude is what makes her attractive. It is what draws her fans, people often live life in a meek manner and occassionally take leaps. How about always leaping. THe characters we see in the Media seem so attractive also because they seem so self assured or whatever they battle is something we can all realate to. I have been thinking that perhaps we are a generation of cowards. THat sounds bad but I wonder if it may be so. I know we are a media driven generation. I really feel in college and just looking in the world in general, that we have all lost a little something. Perhaps every generation goes through this feeling. What makes movies hard to stomach nowadays is that there really isn't a great leader out there, like Ghandi, there isn't really anyone that we can follow. There isn't much to belive in, some could say God, but something more tangible. We really lack any true unfettered Symbols to follow. For some it's love for others it's goals and works. But on a more personal sense I feel there is a growing number of simple disbelief.
Ok I wanted to write this lite piece but I think not being able to write in my journal has led up to things, building up.
I needed to get that all out of my system.
This weekend I had some friends come over to the new place. I tried to have movie night but by the time people came we only got to watch one movie. I am sort of obsessive and I love when I can spend a lot of time with people but I understand schedules and all. I just want straight up yes or no answers. I hate when people tell me they'll get back to you and they never call back. I hate when people say they'll come and an hour after they are supposed to be theretell you they had other bullshit, or some story and that they'll be there 3 or 4 hours later. Can't people be considerate and just tell you I can't go I have plans. I am so tired of people not calling me back or not calling me at all and not showing. These are people I consider close friends. It used to be so easy to get people together. Have I lost my touch? Are people sick of me? Ok I ended up bitching a whole lot. But I feel better.
It is actually nice to know that people out there miss my entries. I get internet next week Thursday. Cable here we come. Until then it's these less frequent entries. As always, I miss your Exiles and the readers as well.