You know I realize I've seen one too many "Gay Coming of Age Stories." In fact I've seen too many coming of age stories. I think that term is used far to often. I love movies and just love watching them. I love plays too, but not all plays are good. I don't mind an obsure or surrealist play but I can only take so much. Personally I enjoy fusion pieces that mix conventioanal naritive with an obscure technique or style. I want to perfect my Revenge of the Bond Girls: Bondage is Forever. I was thinking of taking it back to it's intention of being of farce comdedy. I still want to incorporate S&M. Maybe I can make this interative and we can start spanking the audience. Hehe just kidding on that last statement. My mind is all over the place. My ideas sometimes scare people I think. They are so out there, but that is good, there needs to be people like me to push so we can find something new. I am not the best cut out for being different though because I generally want acceptance. I just have to find what I want more.

I have been listening to a lot of Cardigans today. I love them, they are so lite but, they are just a fun band to listen to. I think there best album is Life, but I can understand they will always be associated with Lovefool.

I was thinking lately that I wish I was a shadow, a literal shadow, I don't know why, I just wish for that. I have odd aspirations. I have been thinking lately that I wish I had superpowers so I can torment George W. Bush and Bill Gates. I wish I could make them think they were going mad by messing with their heads. I decided I would just put down random thoughts in this entry. Well Stacy or Robyn still haven't contacted me. I already missed the wedding, I think they are going to ignore the whole fact that I wanted to go and was just asking to see if I was invited. I was thinking about the movie Wedding party. I was thinking about the statement made by the lead character when he said, " Ask Me in 10 years, then I can tell you if I was happy. I was thinking, if I went down 10 years, would I say I was happier now. Is there something I don't see now to realize how good I have it? Is life just a continual downslope? Do we simply wish for the conditions of the moment before? Well it is late, 3:00am. It is hard sometimes cause I am not like most guys though for short periods I can have fun and relate, but for the most part I don't share the same views as the typical male.

I think I have enough life experience not to be completely naive, but apart of me remains forever optimistic. I think it is that part that has never let me want to really die and end my life. I have gotten close, but I really have my other half to thank for my continued existance. I honestly feel so in the middle sometimes it is frustrating. It makes it difficult to have any strong and dominant feelings on things. I'm sort of that way with being by the book. I often follow the rules but there is the other half that is always questioning and challenging. It makes it difficult to hold religious beliefs. Sometimes I can go, "I belive in God," and other days I feel he doesn't exist but simply a human need to feel life has meaning. I often wondered if it was possible to have split personalities working together at the same time if not than just phasing from one to the other. Well now I am just rambling.

I have often wondered, when did my coming of age story take place?