Today wasn't one of the best days. THe day started off great with me having to go to work , ahh~~! Then progressed to a game of B-ball with my buds. A group of guys asked us to play against them. Let's just say I sucked the big one. But that isn't what bothered me. The reason I sucked was that each time I got to the ball, I'd start to panic and I kept loosing control of the ball. It is a thing I have always had to battle. THough it hasn't been that bad in a very long time. I truly hate it when I defeat myself. My mind is so powerful sometimes that I could do anything to break myself down. I hate to use a lame movie quote by the wise oh Keaunu Reeves, as seen in the Replacement., " It's like quicksand" It's the part where he talks about how when one thing goes wrong other bad things follow and it's like being trapped in quicksand. It's sort of what happens to me on the court, like today. To top it I think I may have mildy sprained my ankle. I had this teammate who whenever I made an error would huff loudly, in that he was being a real ass and making me feel worse, by his groaning. I know I was messing up but 1, this is a team game. It is a game! Secondly since this is a team sport, it wouldn't hurt to support your teammate when they aren't having a good time at things. I'm mad at myself for hearing those groans so loudly, that sounds funny in another context, but seriously I don't know what I let those things get so deep inside. Why do I give others invitation to prey on my fears and failures and tools to break my spirit. I wanted to play to play well and have fun. I did neither tonight. I probably came away feeling worse. Oh I feel better, I get over these colds quickly but it was iffy this morning. I hate failing! I hate letting others use me to break myself down, it's bad enough to break down but to allow others access to making yourself self destruct sucks. It was going so well I lost my futting rolled my ankle and fell to the ground. And again, I heard that boys moan cause we lost the ball. God that really pissed me off. I kept playing. I was tempted to stop playing cause i really couldn't take this. But the only thing to look proudly upon is that I kept playing. It was stupid cause my ankle hurts more for it. I went afterwards to another park and did some shooting afterwards on my bum ankle. It was ok but later on it started to hurt so I stopped playing. I almost lost my keys and I thought what better way to end the night but getting my self locked out of my car in a abandoned basketball court. Get this since I had no keys, I decided to use a dime, yes you heard me a dime to unlock my car door. How scary is that, in less than a minute I thought to use that and it worked and I got into my car. Turns out my keys weren't there but in the field at the edge of the court. I didn't see it the couple of times I looked. It scares me that it took me less than a minute to break in my car on a thought off the top of my head. So if you want to break into my car all you need is a dime, Scary!