Well, here is my new picture from Halloween. I'm posing with Stacy's toaster, that Zack was using as apart of his costume None of my pictures of when I was blond came out. The film was ruined, and so again I have no pics of me blond, which I am bummed about. I really miss blond me. I would go and bleach my hair again. It is currently back to black,but Thanksgiving is coming up and I am going away to the Island of Molokai. a I will be with my family and father, who does not approve. In fact I got a email message not to come by while my hair was either blond or green to their house. I figure if I do it, it will have to be afterward thanksgiving. It sucks that my dad is so uptight sometimes, but I still love him. I used to get really angry about his uptight and controlling ways, but I realize how much he cares and how much he means to me. He is who he is. He was a good father, but we're just different and the same. I feel like my mother gave me chaos and he gave me caring and worry for traits, along with control. Put together I often feel like I'm at odds with myself. I do my best to put it together to make me. I think without my mother's chaos I'd be a pretty normal and unimaginative person. I would truly lack passion and creativity without it. With only chaos I'd be a wreck and would be a complete jackass. My father's side gave me a little control and a conscience. I do miss being blond though, it felt right. Blonds do have more fun. Last night I fixed a broken friendship which always feels good. I no longer have any serious broken friendship. Though I am not close to everyone as I once was. I am trying to fix or at least be on good terms with everyone in my life. Kristy is the girl whom I worked things out with. She said something that really bothered me. She didn't mean it but It really hurt my feelings at the time. She said that I didn't really care about her and I got mad cause I was spending time with her and her boyfriend while my father and stepmother were giving me a guilt trip about caring more about my friends then them. It was also in the uncertain cancer surgery time and so I was more stressed than normal. I didn't think it was fair cause I totally disagreed. So i got mad cause I did care. Kristi is the most sensitive girl I have ever met. It is sometimes exhausting to be her friend but I really care as a friend about her and try to help her. I can't help her or give her selfconfidence, only she can give herself that. She is overly sensitive but what makes it hard is she dwells so much on the negatives about herself and has such a pitty party with herself. It's hard confronting her with actual problems I have with our friendship because she will truly break down in start telling me how sorry she is, and I know she is. But sometimes people can't apollogize for everything. They have to stand up for themselves and pick themselves up and go on. She just comes to a stop and falls apart. It's not all her fault, she was very sheltered and has been coddled. I want to be her friend and it won't be easy. I have a hard time liking myself and sometimes see myself in others eyes and I think I see bad things, flaws, the ugly parts of me. I, though come out of it, and focus on moving on and seeing a little bit of the positive. She doesn't. I try so hard to encourage her to feel good about herself, I just wish I could give more than just encouragement but some of my strength. I'm not the strongest person but even a little of mine could help her. I'm not sure if she can grow, but I hope, and thats all I can do.