I feel like I am sort of restarting today. My focus feels off too.

I've been avoiding things and haven't been productive these last few days.

I don't know if it is me...seems like something that isn't limited to myself.

It is an almost hollow feeling. There are times in my life where I literally don't feel alive which is an opposite to how i am used to feeling. I often feel like a star that burns bright and so hot that I exhaust everything that surrounds me.

Well like I said I am feeling better.
Part of it is due to the fact that I sort of hooked up with someone i met online and sort of had its been so long i haven't done stuff with someone in a long time sex.

It was ok...well not really.

It has been so long since i actually had hollow meaningless sex I had forgotten how unfulfilling it can be. I really didn't feel to good afterwards. To be honest I hate doing things like this cause i really feel worse after it...talk about depressing...when sex makes you feel worse.

Chalk it up to another regrettable moment in my life. I almost am afraid I won't feel love again. I feel like my love life has hit such a dead end. With an emphasis on dead.

On another note...
I think I found the meanest show on TV...it is a reality TV show called Parental Control. Basically the parents of a child don't like their childs current boy or girlfriend and each parent chooses a person to go out with their child. All the while the current girl/boyfriend have to sit in the room with the parents and watch as their boy/girlfriend goes on dates with a guy or girl the parents deem better than them...talk about a slap in the face.

It is almost like parents behaving badly in my opinion. What i have found interesting is that from the 3 shows I've seen, the mothers choose wilder boys and girls for their children, while the dads although they do choose attractive mates often choose people with better personalities....what is funny is that in all 3 cases the child chooses the person their mother chose..just the patterned i've seen so far.

Makes you wonder...who would choose a better mate for you...your mother or father?