If anything I need to be a better son more than ever, and stronger for people I love.

I want to be home right now.

I am very tempted to try and get out right now.

I've been doing a lot of thinking....

My greatest fear as child was that one day while I was at school my father would have a heart attack and then I would have lost both my parents. I was 7 and I remember thinking that in my first year in 2nd grade.

I think what helped me the most was that I was a happy by nature person and met good people. My father really was a good role model and loved me very much.

I know my stepmom makes him very happy. It wasn't until I saw my father and my stepmother that it really hit me what real love is.

I envy them so much and yet I don't want my father to lose her. I love them both a lot.

You hope that your spose never gets sicks and never is lost too soon...yet that whole "Till death do us part" really comes to substance when you are really forced to face that and it magnifies real love... It tests love and shows love. Sometimes a marriage without any tests are difficult for some because nothing forces people to see what is in front of them, or what they really have.

People allow themselves to drift apart from pety annoyances.

Sure I had a normal childhood, yet ever since I lost my mom, I don't know if I ever was the same, never as relaxed as I could have been or was.

I really would have turned out a different person had not all that happened... and now well I don't know.

So I'm sitting down right now telling myself everything is going to be ok, that things aren't as bad as they seem.

I hope it's working