I am frustrated, a little down, and a tad lonely.

I am not having any kind of meltdown, just haven't been all too happy. I am doing things in my job that is against the grain of who I am.

Would be blind not to see that coming.

People disappoint me here. People here seem so content with underachieving and doing the bare minimum here.

I don't mind taking it easy once in a while, but some take things too far.

I can say only a few people here I can stomach because they have some semblance of standards.

I miss my father for some reason. Well of course I miss him because he is my father and I love the big lug.

I miss him because so far he is the only person who I know actually care about me, as overbearing as he could be.

I never had to worry about him lying to me. It is nice being around someone who actually cares about a person besides themselves.

It is also just nice being around someone you respect and admire.

I like people here, but so many times they disapoint or hurt me. I get tired of this continous pattern. I want to so much believe things will change.

I am upset at myself for allowing these people to get to me. I want to be somewhere where people actually want to work and aren't always looking for the easy way out.

To be honest I am tired of having to lower my standards to fit in. I feel as if I am comprimising myself so often and letting people chip away at me. The worst part is I allow it to happen by people who really don't care about me. There really is no reason for them to, they don't really know me.

It is really my fault for this whole thing. I miss the illusions of my childhood of people actually caring and things really meaning something to people.

So often people take the easy route off and try to act as if nothing matters and take the attitude of fuck that shit, it doesn't affect me. All there trying to do is avoid what is really there.

I have more time to go online recently and have found myself wanting to withdraw more, away from these people..

They depress me. I judge them, I know I do. I wish better for them. I just wished these people cared about something. They care about things, but so much of it seems trivial, at least in my eyes they do, and maybe that is a problem right there.

Right now people are getting shitfaced outside my room. They do this every weekend. I wonder if they realize there is more than just get stinking drunk.

It is hard for me, because for some reason every once a while I allow for my surroundings to affect me and bring me down.

Recently I have been thinking about getting away, not for the reasons people might think, mostly because I feel like I just need to get away from this place and the people I am around..

God I hate complaining like this and whinning. I needed to get this off my chest. I feel a little better actually. That is why I love blogging. I really do it to get things off my chest.

People don't have to read, they might not give a damn about my trivial problems, it does feel good to write it out. It is a good way for me to unlodge some of the things bothering me.

I am going stop writing now and try to go to bed and sleep off this dissapointing week.