I wrote a reply and wasn't the BIGGER Person. Well I am going to try not to sweat the small things. Things are going ok at work. I am getting pretty busy around here. I am pretty tired and my roommate sometimes makes sleeping hard.

I would love to change rooms but I really have no where I can move. Plus I don't want to force anyone out of there rooms. To be honest the only person I think I can stand to live with, I am not allowed to move back in with my old roommate, because he is in another section.

I had an awful day yesterday.

I was so dirty and tired after the day I just took a shower and went to bed. Luckily I got to sleep since my roommate was elsewhere.

I was trying to qualify with an M-16. Before you do that, you have to zero in on the target. I couldn't for the life of me Zero. People kept giving me advice on what to do. I got so many suggestions that I think I totally was over thinking and over doing things. I hate failing. I had a pattern and it was different each time because I was trying something different each time. My target is proof of that. I shot so many different ways. Since I couldn't zero i never got a chance to qualify.

What is worse, this is another thing that jeopordizes my chances to come home. I tell you, there is so many things in the way of coming home. I am amazed that I can ever make it home when I can. Personally I don't agree that they should punish you with taking away leave. I almost sure if I remain working for the government it will only be as a Civilian Contract Public Affairs Specialist.

I talked to a Civ PA and they told me that when I get out I will have a lot of opportunities since I am able to write, take photos, edit, do newspaper layout, and do media relations.

Its just been a long month really. I am not sure anymore if going home would be a good idea anyways. I want to see my friends and at the same time my stepmoms Chemo is going really rough and she hasn't been feeling good. I know if I go home I of course want to try to help my folks but I know that the selfish part of me will want to see my friends. I don't really want to risk getting my father upset, especially since they are already stressed and I know my dad. He expects certain things. I know he is stressed too.

It's tough. Sometimes I wish my friends were elsewhere to visit then I could seperate it. Then I could go home and devote my full attention to them.

Its hard. Harder for my stepmom and dad though. I need to be a better son. I only get frustrated because I want everything to work out and I want the people I love to be happy. Plus I want to be happy.

It be easier if going home didn't have to have so many conditions.