I got some awful news, via email from my father.

To be honest, it's a little overwhelming. If you read back in my diary, you'd find portions where I wrote about my stepmother getting cancer, getting treated and up to this point, she was fine after her surgery. It's been over a year now and she's shown no sign of it's return.

However it has returned.

This is terrible news all around. My father is doing horribly financially and my stepmother was basically keeping them afloat financially. When she first got it, she had to stop working and my dad had to support them both. You might say that is the worse time for this to be happening. My father and stepmom are under a lot of stress not only about the cancer but about their future.

My father has an interesting way of telling me this news. He initially started with a page or so, of how my financial wrecklessness is terrible. He didn't mince words.

Currently I am not doing too bad financiallu, but I usually don't have that much money before pay periods. My father is upset that I haven't developed better saving habits.

In this email I got a guilt trip about not helping out with the money I waste that can help them and a short story about this guy who bought the old appartment I used to rent, who reminded him of me, and why I couldn't be that person who works in a bank with a modest salary who also saves his money.

He ended it with a huge bomb at the end, " Her Cancer is back." "We just had a fight about selling the house this morning." "Only you, and my step-siblings know about the whole situation."

He did do one thing that normally I would snap back at him for but I stopped myself, realizing now is not the time confront my father for his grievous statement.

Let me explain. My mother is my Korean side. My father insulted me and referenced my thick Korean head. My father equates all the bad parts of me with that side which he felt my mother gave me. True, my mother had a terrible drug addiction and was very selfish with her life. She left her son without a mother and left me her son with more painful memories than I should ever have.

But It bothers me to the core when he attacks my dead mother. No matter how wrong she was , I found my way to forgive all that, so now when he attacks her and I also hear news of my stepmom getting cancer, it feels almost like a double attack. One by him and the other by the devastating news.

The part of me that feels and thinks realizes that my father is very stressed out by this and for this, I will only let this slide. Maybe later if there is a better time, maybe then will I say anything about how much offense I took to what he said about my mom.

The true isssue I think is the health of my step mom. This is horrible new. I remember visiting her in the hospital after she had her surgeries. I remember how worried my father was for her and I remember how upsetting it was to me.

I remember thinking I might lose another mother in my life.

Forget about how miserable I am here, this news is probably the worst news I've heard since the last time I heard about this.

I don't know.