I joined the companies basketball team. I played a little today. I played terribly. I hate that I am such a mental case when I play. You don't know how often it's me beating myself. It sometimes feels like I am not only playing against the person guarding me but I also have myself there, playing against myself. Not sure that makes sense.

Suffice to say I am tired of things being so hard at times only because I make it so hard in my mind.

I feel so out of place on the court sometimes. It's funny because that is how I feel in the army quite a lot.

Sometimes I stop and realize that I chose such a mismatch, when it comes to my personality and the course i chose in my life.

I don't regret my choice, but it is true, i don't quite fit it in.

You'd think it'd really bother me, but it doesn't. I just hope I can get through all this and still feel same as i do now.