The show started with Port Guyana which was really good. They sounded better at Volcano's than at Annas. I think they really had the lead singer turned up to the right volume, so you could hear her. It was followed by Julius, which was the Band that opened for The Strokes. They weren't bad. And it ended with Linus, which is my favorite Hawaii band.

I made a stop at Jack N'Box. I drank a lot again. I really wanted to drink a lot tonight. Truth is I really needed to feel numb. It actually helped a little. It's been a really hard week for me emotionally. Not only because I am moving. This whole thing with my family is literally pushing me towards emotional breakdown.

It's not a big deal but to me these little things make a big deal. I almost want to just drink all the time and just be numb. It sucks because I drank a lot and I felt a little numb but it lasted for 10 minutes. I had a Vodka Martini (2x), a 2 Roman Cokes, and a Margarita. $25.00 in boos. I really want to loose it. I can't describe this want for myself to hurt.

I of all people know what happens and where all this leads. I can't even be a good drunk and drown my sorrow under a bottle. If I do I think I am going to have to drink a lot more. I only felt a buzz too. Driving home I actually felt more control than I normally do. Mostly I wanted to make sure I could drive.

In the end I don't know why I am letting all this bother me so much. I think the part I am having the hardest part with is with the fact that I have to stay with them for a few weeks. It's hard cause I know I can't run away. I wish I could run away from my problems like everyone else. My mother seemed so good at that but it just doesn't work for me. I am supposed to be better than her, and maybe I have become better, but sometimes it seems like being better isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I know I am being over dramatic. The problem really is that things mean too much to me. I just hate it that even while spiraling emotionally out of control I still have full control and logic over situations.

OK well this is the last night here for sure. The view outside looks so clear. It's weird being here in my apartment and most of my belongings are no longer here. All that remains here are a pair of clothes, my computer, futon, and Tv. I am not sure if it's because my place is mostly empty but I hear a lot of odd noises here and there. I think it's the wind.

Ok well that is all for now

Nite