This is more in regards to work.

I find that a lot of times customers come up and say the most pointless and unfunny things. I always think, "God, they are so not funny." At the same time I can't say to them "I'd prefer it if you not speak, I'd like you better that way." Sure if I was Simon Cowell on America Idol. At the same time I will laugh at the stupidist things, so it's not like i don't have a sense of humor.

Most times I am rather unfriendly to the customers if they are getting annoying. I will just reply with the necessary response and I will act as if they really didn't say anything and try to get them out of my hair. I know I am wrong in this regard. It is my job to put on this happy face and be friendly, I just can't fake that. On some level I am acting cause my true impulse would be mean. So yes I am acting but I don't go far enough, is what I am saying. People do pick up my feelings I think and they sometimes get ticked off or just get quiet. It's just after hearing the same dumb responses time after time, i just can't fathom putting such an effort to put up a full front. People will try to joke with me after witnessing 4 people coming up to me with where is this questions, btw, none stop to notice that other people are talking to me. One at the end will always comment on how funny that was that everyone started to talking to me at the same time. Granted it might be, but it happens so often and that response also occurs so often that I can't even crack a smirk.

You want to talk about work unhappiness, I am your man. That is why I knew I had to get out of there and I am, just not fast enough. I am responsible enough and have to many real life problems to just get up and quit on the spot. I thought things out and found a way out, it just took months to wait for. But as they say, all good things come to those who wait.

Oh and I guess this is more the area I act. A few of my male coworkers really get on this testostorone ruuhaa high on busting shoplifters. I think it's important we stop people who shoplift, I just don't agree on looking forward to having someone try so we can kick asses. It seems like I am the only one who doesn't possess this feeling. I mentioned this before, but it bothers me when I have to smile and laugh as if to say yippee yeah for you when I really think, God this is sad. They wish for shoplifters, I just hope no one does.

I can only imagine that many cops must have this same rush. It's odd I know, a lot of soldiers are going to probably have this same attitude and I am going into that where things might be worse. In the end though I can only speak for myself. I won't ever take pleasure in someone elses errors. I will do what I need to but I won't ever take joy or wish for these things at the misery of others.