They were very supportive don't get me wrong, but somehow I don't know.... I feel that it is such an uncharactertistic move for me that I have to explain this to everyone. Is it me that is making an issue of this or I don't know. I have had so much time to let this all stew.
The most common question I get is, " Are you scared." Scared of the unknown? I wouldn't say that, aphrensive to what lies ahead yes. I started off feeling really excited about the change back in August. Later as the news worsened in Iraq, I got worried as to what I had chosen. Thanksigiving I saw a news story about these soldiers who lost limbs, or were drastically injured, and that is what scared me. That is something I fear, and something I wish will never happen to me. Now....well, I have found that I can't be fearful of things that haven't happened and I don't regret what It is I am about to embark on. All this time I've had, in the meantime, has been something I think I might have rather done without. It's been weird lately because I have been living "my old life", which isn't going anywhere. I knew there was a need for a change so I set out to do so, however that change wouldn't occur for almost half a year.
For me it is difficult to continue living my life, as i always have, knowing at a certain time everything will change. Sometimes living, as I have now, somehow seems like going through the motions, or acting out the rest of this time of my life, until the next one comes. I'm not sure if any of this is making any sense.
My life was really unravelling at the time of my decision, however things financially and emotionally seem to be stabalizing. I credit most of it to this decision, somehow knowing things would change helped me get out of the state I was in. In the end I hope this is a start of many more positives. Another good thing is, in the end, I really get to wrap up things here. I've had a lot of time to wrap things up, because who knows what lies ahead. Aside from my family I really don't feel that I am leaving much behind and I guess that is good. There is no girlfriend to kiss goodbye no untidy or unresolved relationships to contend with, I leave with no strings. This almost seems like a journey I should have taken years ago, but I'm taking some real steps to move on, moving as someone a little older, someone who's had a time to be more seasoned.