I am finding myself struggling with the loss of Viva in my life. Funny you could say I am having a hard time without life in my life. Even if she was using me and took me completely for granted. I know deep down my heart hasn't let go. The more life has forced me to let go of people I love, the harder it seems to get. I sense with each relationship that I've lost in my life, my ability to let go has grown more impaired.

The other day I seemed fine, but today and last night this feeling just comes over me and I don't know if I have it in me to let go. Perhaps it's my own inner diva who has to have things be so dramatic.

That is me though, things that shouldn't or wouldn't be important to others are so important.

Deep down I think she may be with this other guy more completly. I want to ask her so bad what's gone on in her relationship with him but I know that if the answer is something I don't want to hear I am just asking for it, I am just asking for my heart to be trampled on. I want to ask the question but can I take the answer.

I am an over thinker and over feeler. Our relationship no matter how intense lasted almost a month exactly. Someone told me that it seemed like that I was her flavor of the month. I think I am too sensitive to be someone's transition relationship, rebound, or flavor of the month.

The worst part is that I was so happy, I look at pictures and I still feel the happiness. It still resonates within me. She was happy and so was I.

My battle now is with my own heart. Either way I feel like I'm loosing.