This time I didn't have a breakdown when she didn't call.

She seems to completely gloss over the messages in my calls and acts if none of these things ever happen. I called her to see if she wanted to do anything on Sunday night. All that was required was a call back saying sorry I have plans.

I don't know what it is with people. I always, I always have the common courtesy to return people's call, especially when I get an invite. I don't leave them hanging.

So when we were talking or as she was telling me about her weekend with "Josh", I actually got a little upset at how comepletly thoughtless she was being. I told her that it wasn't easy for me to just switch modes into "Friend" mode. I told her I didn't know about her but it wasn't easy for me to listen to her and try to be her friend. I told her if friendship is all she wanted she'd have to give me time. I told her I kind of wanted to be alone.

Truth is I do want to be alone. So her reaction sort of just makes me upset. She got upset and asked why I have to tell her this. Well I feel like this because of you. What am I supposed to bury my hurt because it's inconvenient. If you want to be "friends" does being there not fall under it all. Does she want me to act as if everything is fine and dandy.

One of the things her boyfriend told her was that she was selfish. I am not sure if I am just really upset but I feel that way too.

I hate that my anger and resentment seem so strong. I hate those emotions, but I have them. I know they are in me and i know the cause is my pain.