As I felt the sky falling yesterday, today my whole outlook I found had changed.

Today I stopped taking things so personally. Today I stopped feeling so defeated. The stings of the past nulled. Not sure if "Nulled" is even a word. Well I am better. I am even making up words now, hehe.

Viva and I talked. I believe her that she didn't get my calls. I looked at my own actions and did feel somewhat silly and I just looked at the state that I had allowed myself to get in. I was disgusted with how little backbone in that moment I showed.

I was dissapointed at how I had folded in the face of difficulty. Not to beat myself up. I realized I had lost myself and selfrespect. I had become so comfortable in this relationship that I was slowly loosing myself. I so readily released a great deal of myself to be happy with this person. Unfortunetly the whole situation changed and I was ill prepared for the changes that are going on with her. She is obviously not ready to settle into anther relationship. A fact that I have always been aware.

I realize I was foolish to think our love or my love for her could change all that. I thought because things were so perfect that it could change all that. I have finally awoken to the reality that, that is not true.

I had to stop taking so personal her muddling to find herself again. Her actions are based on her trying to find a new life. She is very happy with me but I think this good thing really came to early for her. She's not ready. I have to not take personal the fact that she isn't ready. I have to stop thinking it is me that she doesn't want. Because really she doesn't know what she wants.

My life is not going well but I have this bad habit of allowing the worst thing in my life at the time and compounding it with every bad thing. This may one day lead to my own unraveling. I don't know though...

I saw Terminator 3 with Viva. After 15 minutes of trailers we finally got to the main event. I have to say it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be. I felt that without Edward Furlong, James Cameron, and Linda Hamilton it would majorly suck. It didn't suck. The story was pretty solid and lean. My only criticism of the story is that it was too lean. It was a bit top heavy, meaning that there was a lot in the beginning and the climax did come but for some reason by the end the movie seemed like it needed more at the end. It seemed to wrap up too quickly and I felt like "that's it, there's not more?" I guess what I am saying in a non concise was is that the overall the story seemed unbalanced and seemed too end too quickly.

The movie itself was very short. It sort of was like MIB 2. It was a very short too.

Most studios love short movies. The shorter the better. Why, for those who don't know already? Well shorter movies means more showings, which in the end means more money and profit in the day. I think T3's shortcomings was due to movie studios. Most filmmakers like a longer movie to fit each part of their vision although people are always cutting things to make things flow better. It doesn't help that people have such short attention spans.

I am a fan of the long movie and long form. I am for whatever works best for the movie. I sort of wish sometimes that the recent Star Wars episodes were shorter. Particularly in Ep. 1.

Well I am rambling at this point. Thanks for all that wrote with their support. It helped pick me up. Thanks