I spent most of the day lazily resting alone. Viva had to work which was good. I really value what time I had alone and sort of wish I didn't have to see Viva.

She takes up so much attention, and I am sad to say, she simply causes so much distraction and after a while I feel spent.

I feel like apart of me died when I started to treat us like a relationship. It sometimes feel I am in a very bad marriage. There is no sex, we do talk but she has so many set ways and seems so unbending. That is sort of what bothers me the most. The sex part is frustrating but the fact that I seem to be fighting so many of her bad habits is what is just getting to me.

She seems really homophobic which really sucks cause I have tried to share my open view on sexuality, and she gets really grossed out seeing guys kiss on TV.

Music and just entainment views aren't completely alligned. I like the music she likes but it is one of the types I like. She doesn't like most of what I like which is a large variety.

Things aren't all bad. Things in my life seem so stable which is good. She does bring a bit of balance and does alleviate the loneliness of my past. She makes me laugh and we click really well. Perhaps I want to much in relationships. Perhaps I need to be happy with what I have.

I want more for her though. I wish she were more open and not so set in her ways.

She is the best kissing experience I have ever had.

She is also the biggest tease which frustrates the hell out of me. She always starts something she has no intentions on finishing. She'll unizip my pants and stop. All the time this seems to be a constant. Sex doesn't seem to last more than mere minutes because she always tells me to stop. When I asked about her ex and if she did that with him, she said she would tell him to stop. She said with me, I actually stop when she says to. I feel like a horse reigned in, and I want to just let loose every so often.

I spend almost all my free time with her. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the night alone since we had spent practically the whole week together. She freaked out and got really upset. I saw this and had to change my whole position. Deep down I sense my resentment growing. I hate that I do this and that she demands so many things a boyfriend would give and yet won't be with me. I have to hear about all her other prospects. I have to hear about how she isn't over her Ex.

I don't want this. Not like this. She tells me that she treats me like her ex would treat her and it made her unhappy. I told her to stop being her ex and be herself. I told her once, I didn't want to suffer for the sins of those that came before. I wanted my own chance.

She tells me she doesn't want to be with me until she can give to me completely and be completely over her ex. I understand but she takes so much from me emotionally. I feel tapped out and I guess apart of me needs something back.

I want my singleness back a bit. I have lost some of my media hunger and haven't been keeping up on all those things that had preoccupied me before. I miss some of that.

I miss the time I used to have to devote to my diary. Now I have to find time to squeeze into writing. Is this what love requires. The sacrificing of your life and individuality. Time seems more precious now. I want to be alone more, I find myself growing hungry for it.