My life has sort of fallen into shit. THe rest of my life that is. I sort of tossed everything aside and stopped living. Even writing in my diaryland diary has been difficult to find time for. I bought comics these last two weeks and have not read a word of it. I have shows I've taped from last week and not even set eyes on it. I am so tired it isn't funny.

But all those things aren't important. Well perhaps paying all my bills on time are.

My life is... so not contrusted for a relationship, even though I want her so bad.

Viva is officially broken up, with no boyfriend. It doesn't look like though we are going to be couple any time soon. She is in no state really to hop right back in it, even if she loves or cares for me.

She loves me as a friend first and the more is what is in question. God I want to be with her so bad, and she makes me so happy. I want it all now. I know I would be happy but she's not ready. And it's killing me because I know my fears and impatience are only getting in the way. At the same time i am in no state to take on a relationship. I went from loosing all friends and social life to having a deeply intense relationship. And it's only been a week and I'm feeling like I want to marry this girl. Ahh, I'm so tired too. I will write more later when my head is a little more clear.