So back to this week so far... Oh I can hear you all on the edge of your seat, yeah right.

I got flowers for my moms grave and as I mentioned in a billion other entries it was a downer and to say I wasn't a little down because of it would be a lie.

I'm listening to "true" by Spandau Ballet. This is what's sucks, my mother loved this song and so do I. It always makes me happy and sad. Plus I always think of Sixteen Candles when I hear this as well. I am weird.

I've been having the urge to have an 80's night DVD-athon. I often wish I had the group of people I could do this with. I'd cook and invite all the people I love and they'd hang and we talk and watch good nostalgic.

movies

I saw another Ghost of my life on Saturday, Stacy. We went to see x2. The movie was great, the company not so great. It seems like she's forgotten how to talk to me. I tried so hard to stimulate conversation, and not me, just talking at her.

I thought perhaps I shouldn't give up so easily on friends who let me down. I thought maybe I need to be a friend to till the end, even if they don't see it or know what it means to me to be a friend to them.

I found out that Saturday's attempt was an utter reinfocement of dissapointment.

I found out that my earlier plans for next fall are for the time being, going to have to be scrapped since I won't be getting any Financial Aid from school. I spent years having to claim as a dependant even though I paid for everything because I wasn't 24. So countless times I was denied financial aid because of my dad and stepmoms income. Now I am 24 and can claim independance in the eyes of the financial aid office, but they send me a letter saying I will not be able to qualify for any more aid because I have exceeded the number of semesters to apply. Ahh, and the fact that I only got aid once!!! in Six years!!! To be honest I have gotten the short end of the stick from this supposed aid office. I've gotten more nixed plans and part time semesters than I would have ever wished for.

So while things are rolling so smoothly in my future academic life as well as rosey forecast of all relationship past, along with a happy celebration of mothers around the world, you'd think things couldn't get better.

I spend Saturday with my father and Stepmother. I see what really bothers me when I am around them. One we don't talk to each other. Our interests are so far apart which is part of the problem. I am a free thinker. I feel often when I open my mind they take my thoughts on things as silly or the thoughts of someone who has lived a lot less than they have. I also saw how much I wished they could see how much I have in me. I wish they could see how much feeling I have, see that I posess a grain of wisdom and I wish we'd see eye to eye on things.

So it seems that in the past 4 days my life has been hitting it on all cylinders.

I have been trying to make connections with people in my everyday life. I try to engage in conversation and learn more about people but that seems lately like a lost cause. Most people already have their comfortable group of friends that I can't see myself forcing myself into.

So with all this, I almost at times feel tempted to fall into an utter pit of despair...but I don't feel utterly destroyed....

To Be continued in "Sweet"