My fever seemed to go into overdrive once I got home. It seemed like I woke up 10 times last night. I went to bed early. This was 5th day in a row of working at Longs. With my two jobs it was the 10th day in a row of working without a day off. I just think my body is stressed to the max.

I have been reading other peoples diary and it seems not one of the diaries support the War in Iraq or the President. They always mention that they support the soldier which I think is right and wrong. It's right to support them but, it seems that there is also a pressure, a way of thinking that if you don't you will be chastiesed. That is where I believe things are wrong. I tinhk if people don't support their own soldiers than they shouldn't feel pressured to do so. I guess what I am speaking to is the judgement laid upon others by people very pro war, pro bush, pro-United Front.

It makes sense to a point that if we go into conflict we need to be united. Hence the name United States. The problem with the name is that is directly conflicts with the concept of freedom of thought and expression which we base our democracy. This is where I feel America has it's greatest conflict within. We appear to want our Freedom, yet we want to be United, which in the end isn't always possible. People get upset because they either take having Freedom at all cost, damning Unification. While others prefer to follow whatever objective to secure what freedom there is. They fight for unification so that what there is of Freedom can be maintained.

So whenever you go to war or the Government takes on this protect freedom at all cost, even bending it a bit to maintaining what we have conflict because in the end a lot of people have a hard time swallowing going along for the ride while the Government takes on action they don't feel is right. At what point though would the Government stop and listen to it's people is my concern. They have the overall concern of the country and it's security and interests. It seems that it drives for the survival of life as is, at all costs. It won'tg change, well not at this point, no matter how strongely we feel. Because one man can't make a difference. And it isn't for one person to change things for everyone. Also because of the great personal risk, no one would take the challenge of uniting the people against the current government.

Then there is the question of what you'd do after you overthrew the current system. The idea would be to create a more democratic democracy, perhaps one with better leaders, and a stronger emphasis on foreign relations and deplomacy. Over time though that Government would want to protect itself. I sort of think of democracy as an animal. It has some high ideas but it also needs to protect itself, and sometimes that protection comes at the cost of the people.

It's hard cause I see the attitudes of the people almost like the story , "A House Divided" Feelings against the war remind me of the conflicting thoughts of the people who fought for and against black slavery. It was destruction of a way of life vs. freedom. In many ways I see people taking either side. Admittedly everyone here is comfortable and there is a way of life which the Government is trying to maintain for it's people. Then there are people who want Freedom and go against the Governement.

But where we differ from this conflict is that in the end we all for the most part lack the commitment to really change our way of life. THerefore the whole Freedom aspect we believe in is but that, a thought, nothing we would act on. That is where the Government has all the power and in the end we have no power, it's all about self preservation and maintaining of our way of life. It is sad, yes, but what can be done.

I'd say this was always true but what makes American strong, America doesn't have to see the dirty work done around the world. People despise terrorism and see outsiders as entities that don't understand us. Truth is I believe our Government has undoubtedly committed it's attrocities out of the spotlight People never have had to deal with what they can't see. I don't American and it's security could have lasted so long without these acts. I don't condone this but I see where it comes from. We all want America to remain the dream it has always been taught to us. And to a great deal it works well but sometimes the government has to operate in the spotlight and do things we don't like, and thus we have the division now. But we shouldn't only be crying now. I think in that sense we can be hypocrites for fighting war now. We all don't have a good position in opposing the governements action because we have been willing to stomach so much more and chose to remain blind to the truth for so long. In the end the fault falls upon the people and we must accept the government we have.

THat is just what I have been thinking about. I don't claim to be all right or this to be the truth. This is simply the thoughts of one person. Just something to think about.