I really think I have grown tired of being alone. I really need to be in love. I do have very strong feelings for Viva but I has gotten myself to move forward because I know it wouldn't happen, not without causing Viva a lot of pain. She seems happy now so I figure I will move on. I do wish for companionship and love. I really don't want sex if I am reading that right. I think deep down I never really wanted it as much as I thought I would. I am not swearing it off, don't get me wrong.

I guess I really just want someone in my life that I can love who feels the same. I want to meet someone who will allow me to love them and be there other half.

I don't know how many people have written about this in their own journals. I have so many loves and interests. I want someone with similar and different loves. I want to the person that i love to love some of things I do. I want the person I love to show me more.

I want to be able to go out and do something crazy like skinny dip in the moonlight. Or someone to try skydiving with me. I want someone who will just go snorkeling with me while also feeling content to hang out and watch cartoons or TV with me. I would love it but wouldn't require the person to love comics and have that sense of love for the realm of the imaginary. I am a dreamer and wouldn't mind meeting another dreamer.

I guess what I am saying is that I really need to meet that person soon. I feel like I am slowly dying a piece at a time, waiting for some semblance of this person.

Above all I want to have a good heart, one that is better than my own. One who I'd pale in comparison too. I want an equal to whom I never feel up to. I want to be happy together because of one another.

I want to be in a relationship now also because I need to know if I've grown since my last real relationship. I know I wasn't ready but just the slight taste of what I've always wanted has made me want it again only more. I think I've grown, but only in being in an relationship can I see if I've changed.

I don't know where or when love will come. I don't know if it will ever. People say sure it will, but that is just words of encouragment. No one can place a guaruntee on matters of the heart.

There is nothing I can do about this, but keep waiting.