I've been very busy and very tired. I am working a lot and trying to go out and see some friends. After work last night Stacy, Zack, and Scott and I went to see Star Trek Nemisis. Yes I like the genre but I must be the first to admit the genre has lost a lot of it's allure. The series has been saturated to it's utmost and there isn't much left in that series. I found this movie better than the last but it was more dissapointing because it had more potential to be a better film. It had a lot of good elements which was simply destroyed by hollywoods old overdone formula. I often wish I could take the movie I've seen and fix them. Well I don't want that to be the focus tonight though. It was an ok night. I went out after work to my parent's house. My dad and my stepmother are real sores in my life. I am at fault but there are things that they do and say that I feel make it harder for me. They do it out of love but I don't want to hear how my errors and lack of planning is making my situation worse. I understand. THey are right I do believe I can undo it all and overcome it all. They just don't believe it. I honestly feel I have all the ability to take off, but I emotionally have not chosen to do so and I really want there emotional support I want them to believe in me. My father makes so much assumption and he is right and wrong. I am making my own peace and making my own direction and I feel perhaps a part of me wants a little suffering and drama, but I believe in myself that I can overcome it all on my own. I can, I just don't want to have to be fighting them while I do it. I want there faith in me. I have faith I will find my way, once I know what where I want to go. I don't want to deal with it now, I don't want them to force it upon me now even if it is out of concern. I know I love them and that is all I know, I build from there.

Afterwards I went to play some basketball to blow off some steam. I played with some of the worst players I have ever seen. It's funny cause last week I got morally and physically spanked or rather beat. Tonight I played like an All Star. I had ball control and I made all my shots. I made a couple of 3 pointers and my ball control was 300 times better. I really saw the court tonight and even saw where the other players were going to mess up. I was even good tonight and seeing where on the floor I should be cause I knew they would miss and the ball would bounce off and most likely out of there hands. They all made the mistakes I was making last well. It sort of took the fun knowing I was playing at the top and was no doubt the best ball handler and shooter out there. Trust me I touched the ball the least and scored the most and passed and stole more balls. Stealing balls sounds so dirty. Trust me I say they were bad. It's sort of that scenario be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond. I like being the small fish in the big pond. It was nice to play great. Confidence makes so much of a difference with me. It made me really see that the mental state is really the only thing that holds me back, I can do anything, it's a matter of whether I can overcome the mental and emotional barriers that stand in my way.