Well It is a friday night and I plan on going to this work Karaoke party. I don't dislike it as most people do. It's funny in singing songs with people, to me it's more or less depending on the company you keep. If everyone is lame and don't sing or if people have the worst taste (in your opinion) then it's going to be a long night. But if you find a group that you have similar taste with and are generally daring enough to make a fool of themselves than it can be great fun. I always wonder why we all create these barriers of not going out there and just act stupid. Why is it so important we keep up appearances of an unimpregnatable (sp?) fortress? I'm always am willing to act stupid or say a retarded thing to make my friends laugh. I find it frustrating that I am finding I have so much in common with so many people online from what they write but in real life I really am not meeting these people. I guess the knoledge that I am not completely unlike everyone brings me comfort but why should I need to feel better knowing that I am not completely unique? Ever wonder that. Halloween had some really great things. My costume was a success, perhaps a little too sucessful. No I'm not one of those who can't take good things. GOing to Waikiki there were hundreds, rather countless people roaming the streets. The closest I can compare it to is mardi gras in Hawaii. People letting go and just having fun. I got stopped almost every minute by people going, "Hey it's the joker!" It's weird cause I know I am not the first or the last to try this but I felt kind of singled out among the masses which freaked me out, cause I thought I'd be blending in with everyone else dressing up. Actually part of me was hoping I could pick up a girl with my costume since it was so popular, nothing massages the ego more than having someone being interested or drawing interest, it makes you feel special. I admit it I am not one of those people who demand it, but it's nice to be noticed or liked. You get some of that on stage when acting. Some of the best feelings is being on stage and making people laugh, and it's better when it is really strong and there is a packed house. So yeah, last night I got lots of people talking to me and wanting to shake my hand or take my picture. I took pictures too which I will get developed soon. So sad, I don't have a digital camera. The only down side was there were some really drunk person and in the end one really drunk girl threw glitter in my face and it got in my mouth. Normally I'd just wipe it off but I had mucho makeup that I just couldn't touch which makes itches a bitch. Another bummer was my friend Scott came but the bummer wasn't that he came but he is such a downer sometimes and he took me seriously when all of us were joking and decided he'd take offense at a completely ludicrous statement and proceeded not to tell me or talk about, just pout and act angry. He's lucky I care enough to be able to tell from his not enjoying himself brooding from him being bothered by something. I was so exhausted and I looked at what I said and it was so ludicrous and in the context I don't see why he decided to latch onto it and take offense. I don't think it helped that it just wasn't his thing and maybe it's easier to get pissy when you're not one of the people having fun. BUt I can only cater so much to my friends. I can make them laugh but I can't make them happy, only they can. I had to learn that the hard way with Stacy. If we aren't what he needs or we don't do things that he enjoys, he shouldn't come. I invite my friends not because I have to but I care and want to enjoy there company. I plan things, but it is not the event that is important, it's the company and the enjoyment of each other. It's going out and talking and conversing and sharing. I wish I could do what I do in my diary with my friends. I do, but so many people can't share and themselves and it is just easier if you are sharing and know that you're not getting any response. Anyways I apologized for what he took offense to and I don't know if he's FORGIVEN me. It was what put a damper on my night. Friends can bring you such joy but people don't realize how much of a damper they can put on others. I simply realize that I can't joke with Scott or he'll take me serious. I question if by inviting I may be pressuring him into a friendship he'd rather not bother. PErhaps he's just being polite, in any case people kind of suck sometimes and I just have to deal with that Stacy seems so happy. I think I was able to be her friends with her and let go of my pain and hurt because deep down I knew I did things the right way and I didn't cop out to being selfish. I did have selfish feelings but I made the right choices and the result is that my friend is the happiest I have ever seen and I take comfort in knowing I had a part in that. I truly know that I loved her, I loved her so much I was able to see past my own wants of us to be together and I was able to help her to be happy without trying to force something between us. I did the right things and denied my initial wants. Cause really if you love someone can't you bring yourself to do everything to make them happy even if you don't benefit. It may have been one way but I realize it was my choice to love her, I have no one to blame but myself. I only wish I could have conveyed to her the degree of my love, but to do so would unravel what remains of our friendship. THe main things is she is happy and sometimes it's hard to be happy for people when you aren't in the mix or the reason, especially when you love them, but somewhere you can eventually make the right choice.