I just watched My Greek fat wedding and I loved it. Have you ever watched a movie and just wished you were in love. I have not ever found a woman who really loved me. I don't know what it is, but I really see great things in people. I can love and my only wish is for the same. It is so hard sometimes. I am not like most guys and I have a great deal of feelings. I express them too! I think through my theatre training and just my personality I simply put myself out there. It is hard sometimes because I feel like I am a great catch. I have heart and feeling and soul. I really try to do the right thing. But sometimes life seems like a death trap for the man who tries to do the right thing. When I love I really love. I sense with so many people that love is controlled and only partially there. I don't know if it because people don't want to get hurt or what. People I talk to seem only partially happy. When people talk of there others they sound sort of happy, like something is missing but it's the best they could manage. They sound happy that they got some but not happy they didn't get it all. At times that makes me sad and can discourage me but other times the power of movies gives me hope. That might be my flaw, in the belief that magic and love truly exists. It's the only thing keeping me going through countless rejections. It is the hope that someone will let me in and allow me to share with them. It is sad that adults let go of some of the greatest traits humans can possess. Optimism, hope, trust, and unending and unconditional love. It is so hard because I feel so ready to handle love and to share it with someone but finding that person has been the true journey. I truly want to take that trek but I have no one to take those steps with. I've put myself out there and gave it my best. I've tried the passive approach and yet nothing. I met a girl who I feel in my gut is something special but she really doesn't know me and can't really see me. I only wish I could really spend time with her to show her who I am. But I going to have to scratch this one cause there isn't any way for me shift into her life. And I think my passion for her comes at a bad time. I decided though I was unable to make a connection I at least helped take her mind off her pain, it was not my intent but I'm hoping my loss can be her gain. Unconditional love is so rare in life. Truly, it is. Even with those in love or even married. It is so hard to find people that can forgive and still love no matter what. I try to love unconditionally. When my best friend and the girl I loved, revealed that even though I was her best friend, I was not necessary in her life. I initially was crushed and everyone told me to dump her and go on. That is the advice most people give, to let go. But wouldn't that make me a bad friend. Can love and friendship exist beyond 1 person? Can 1 person not maintain a friendship? Is it all dependable if one person will bear the weight? Can a person give and recieve nothing. I truly wished I had the strength not to waiver when faced with this thought. I am human and each moment like this compels me to see this through but there is so much pain that comes with this. I sometimes wish I could prove that the human spirit has the ability of overcoming the very natures that doom us. I have already failed but I still try with the rest of my remaining time here. Perhaps this will leave me to feeling a great deal of pain but i hope find the strength to see this through. My father tells me my fatal flaw is that I am very stubborn and always thinking with my heart and never with my head. When it comes to love that is the only thing I use. I admit that has caused me the greatest pain but strangely I get some pleasure because in most cases I was able to help those whom I loved. I worry that I might have taken up some crazy crusade to save and help people but only too my detriment. I notices on the side I try to really help people who have problems, and I worry that might be my attraction. I wonder if my feelings of guilt towards not being able to help my mother has driven me to help those I love. I helped Stacy to the point where she no longer needed me. I noticed that I missed the helping and It was hard facing that she no longer needed me. I knew that is why things grew more difficult, so I had to let go. I don't take people on as projects but I think sometimes that I may have a true wish to help people. Well that is all for now. God I want to be close to someone right now. i feel like I have spent a lifetime alone in my head and now my thoughts just want to be with someone elses.