Ok I decided not to make this a bitch bitch bitch type of diary and try to include the good things going on in my life. Things going on right now. School wise it's not looking great. I'm carrying part time college load while trying to work over 40 hours. Plus I'm the type of person who enjoys multiple activities. I'm sort of already hitting a wall when it comes to school. I need to get a second wind and get back to it. I can tell I'm slipping a little. Family wise things are getting better. I went over to my dad and step mothers and helped my dad and stepmother around the house. I am trying not to avoid them as I have been. My stepmother is recovering from her 2nd cancer operation and just came home last week. Things look better and hopefully she's beaten it this time. For some strange reason I found it harder to deal with on a personal level. Not sure why? She had it earlier and had an operation and it was thought she was going to be fine but it returned. I think the fact she could have not made it the first time, didn't really hit me. It hit me the second time. Being faced with death again sort of awakened me to the fact that one never get's comfortable with it. My mother passed away when I was younger and though I've only known my stepmother for 5 years I still feel something. Actually when I saw her lying in bed this time I actually started to cry on the side. Afterwards I was sort of relieved that I knew I felt something. I wasn't sure if I would feel anything. Have you ever been worried you wouldn't feel anything when you should. You wouldn't feel love for someone you should.

On another subject I found time to go to blockbuster and get a few DVD's and watch them at 2 am and not really sleep. Perhaps that can be contributing to the wall i mentioned earlier, hmm. I watched Collateral Damage. Not sure what to make of Arnold anymore. Why is his villians always Arab but in this case were changed to cubans or something like that? There very popular movie villains and I think easy targets. I think movies do more damage in our understanding arab people. Personally I find many independant films speak volumes more than the main stream action flicks looking for a villain. I won't comment on Arnolds acting. I find if you just ignore everything and just take in his personality that it is bearable to get through his movies and even enjoy them alittle. I have acting experience and don't think he is horrible but because of the way he speaks and the image he has he is limited to what he can do./ But I think he does some of his strengths well. The other movie was Tailor Of Panama. I really like Geoffrey Rush as an actor. I really liked Quills on a side note. I loved this movie because it gave me a look into how Pierce Brosnan could play James Bond straight up as a horny, vulgar, womanizer. The best line in the movie is when Brosnan says, " Yum yum!" REferring to a woman he's checking out. I then proceeded on to Wicked, starring a young Julia Stiles. If your into daughter/father action, this is your movie. It isn't too graphic although if it was I don't see how you could show it in this country. There were good and bad things about this movie. On pure entertainment value it was decent. I've seen worse. It sort of a guilty pleasure type flick. Sort of a trashy romance novel type flick that is good for one ride. The final movie I saw was Time Machine, with Guy Pierce. I actually like this movie the best of all the ones I saw. I liked Pierce's transformation in the film. it was pretty short but it had a lot in a small package. It could of been a great epic film if they'd have choosen or at least a maintstream trilogy like Back to the Future. I loved seeing an albino Jeremy Irons. Even way in the future he's a tortured sole. My only criticism was the length and what i felt was a rush ending. I liked the progression and really liked the dark and mysterious tone it possessed. Actually most time traveling flicks are kind of dark. Well that is it. Just so you all know I watched this over 4 days so I wasn't just sitting around on my ass watching movie after movie although I have done that a few times.