The problem is, my true self has really been compartmentalized and I have tried very hard to fit into the environment and people.

Don't get me wrong, I have met a lot of good people and learned a lot. I guess there are a lot of things that wear on me emotionally.

There are parts of myself that I can't use here. They are important to me.

I said this once before, I liked what the ideas the army is based on.

From what I have seen though, so many people don't live by those principles. So much of it, is false, a front. I am no different right now. I am fronting. I am not being myself.

But I do try to maintain myself and my morals.

I am closing in on that one year mark and it seems so hard really to look at 4 more years of this. And I haven't been sent out into the field yet.

I feel like the real test hasn't even begun.

Well that aside, today was a long, cold and draining day.

I spend more time raking and doing what we call Area Beatufication than my actual job. It is quite ridiculous when we have civilian contractors to mow the grass, yet me still do it. What bugs me is that they are having us do something they do pay someone else to do. If we are doing it, then what are we paying them for? Why do they get the free ride.

I ended up going to Burger King for dinner tonight. I felt spent and I really didn't want to cook.

Anyone notice that the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish is doing those cheesy Burger King comercials. That is not a good sign in your career, when you're doing a comercial like that.

Once I got my food I went back to my room. I was watching Rocky 3 tonight. Rocky is one of those movies you can always sit down and watch.

I started to laugh because there was a scene where Rocky and Apollo Creed were racing for the last time and Rocky finally beat Apollo. And it proceeded with them dancing in the ocean. I thought to myself, hmm, if I finally beat someone in a race, would I run into the ocean with them, jump up and down and hug them and not feel silly? It must have been hard to film that scene and not feel silly.

I love Rocky though. I think it is the best sports movie ever, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Thats all for tonight.