I am feeling again, which is good. I guess it kind of came off on the entry which was previous to the last. The problem I have is that I really don't believe in this world. I don't believe in our race. I understand that flaws and imperfection is apart of humanity but isn't growth supposed to be somewhere in there. To be perfectly honest I just don't feel the world will ever grow. We grow in numbers but not in wisdom. We don't learn or even live the life that are portrayed as our ideal from movies. Movies aren't how to live life but a lot of times the qualities we wish to possess are on display. I'm thinking very widely and I really don't think human's have the capacity to grow. I honestly belive we each have a nature that really doesn't allow us to be what we always wish ourselves to be. I say very few people transcend this and do exhibit qualities of growth but I think that it's unfair to hang growth on a few individuals. As a species no individual I have ever known can effect change and growth in people. It seems even harder because honestly there really isn't anyone even remotely close in our time. Dr. King is a great human, and a great man. He had great appeal, and he stood for something righteous and ideal. He exhibited growth and transcendance. But I think in the end they all fail. I only say this because there words and impact only seem able to impact their period. THat is my problem with humanity. As growth begins, it is so easily lost to the next generation. Perhaps each generation must find it's voice but really I don't believe anyone in our time is worth taking after.

To me, America is a dream. I think what get's lost in the whole WAR issue is , how do Americans feel about America. George Bush's America is very worried about weapons and villains and security. Granted those are very important issues. However what about the changing faces of the American People? War negates all other issues because of the life that is at risk. I can't say that no one wants this war and I can't say all American's want this war. I can say that this issue is very split. Of course a decision needs to be made but what I hate about George Bush is the fact that I don't feel he has people in mind. I don't trust the man, I don't respect him, perhaps it's his image but he just doesn't illicit my trust as our best and brightest. George Bush in some way has to be an extension of ourselves, of our views. I think Presidency only works in some instances. Not everyone can be a great leader and possess all the great qualities we wish for.

I was thinking, if we scrutinized and knew as much about our president as we did the contestants on American Idol we would be a much more assured of our pick. Imagine the presidental elections being held in an American Idol like forum. I think that is the America of today. Image is important but isn't everything, because actual skills are required. I would just feel better if the people were better represented better.

If I had one wish, I'd wish humanity out of existance and have the world just exist without us.

We aren't a humble species, and I sometimes wish we would all be humbled. Not by anyone but by God himself. I am not saying pick on one group of people but everyone. We are all in it together. We are all equally flawed. As much as I wish for our growth if I am to live with this I just hope that we can find some semblance of peace and harmony.

I'm sort of holding my breat on the whole peace and harmony thing finding it's way to humanity but we'll see.

Because of my feelings recently I find myself wondering if I want to live. Seriously, this is not I hate life I want to die cry for help. I really wonder on a level of the meaning of worth of existance, do I enjoy life enough and see this existance as meaningful. Is this world worth living in? What I am worth to this world? We all ask ourselves these questions. I think we all hide from this because in the end there is only so much that can be done about this. I just can't seem to be able to stomach this. I think we all avoid this question because there is only so much we know we can do. It's alway easier to escape these thoughts but I know since I have been born my spirit has been screaming for answers.

I guess in the end I am one of those people that really want a better world.

I was thinking sort of comically, has anyone just killed themselves because they thought the world was worthless. Not because they didn't feel loved but simply because in their eyes God failed in creating us.